


through these dark days

by hippopotamus



Series: dark days [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 11:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/pseuds/hippopotamus
Summary: This is the world Isak lives in, half dead, half empty, half wild. A makeshift camp in a dying forest with twe- eleven other people, salvaging anything they can to make it easier, hunting any animal they can find to make it survivable.Still, they have each other. They have a system that works, each with their own roles, with Sana leading them. They’re surviving.Most of them.





	1. pistol

**Author's Note:**

> okay hello! hi there hey how ya doin  
> this is for the skam big bang!!! which i somehow managed to finish?  
> art is by the lovely ashnalk and its incredible, check it out [here!!!](http://evenshands.tumblr.com/post/183310330353/through-these-dark-days-29397-words-evenisak)
> 
> i will warn u that this fic is a wee bit intense in parts, it deals a lot with isak feeling guilty over ~something~ so if that is going to be difficult for you to read feel free to skip out on this! there are many other more lighthearted fics being posted this week :D (not that there aren't also happy moments in this fic tho! but take care of yourselves pls)
> 
> with all that being said, enjoy!!! please let me know what you think i love attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the pistol is heavy in his hands

The pistol is heavy against Isak’s thigh. He has strict instructions from Sana not to fire it, and he doesn’t intend to - he knows it’s just there as a threat, in case Sara has gotten herself into a situation with another camp. Isak wouldn’t put it past her, she’s reckless, impulsive, known to make bad decisions. She gets herself out of them, though. Usually a lot faster than this.

Ingrid walks a few metres away from him, calling out her best friend’s name in a whispered shout every few steps. They’re exposed here, with two of them, making more noise than they should just to try and find Sara before it gets dark. Isak has no doubts that she’d be fine if they didn’t try and find her, only Ingrid had insisted, seeming so panicked that Isak couldn’t refuse her requests to help her search.

Someone clears their throat quietly from behind Isak, and he spins around, pulling out his gun and taking aim, despite having no intention to fire it - he’s never killed anyone before, and doesn’t have any intention to start today.

Ingrid hears nothing, too far away and too preoccupied calling out for Sara.

The boy Isak finds himself facing raises both hands, a terrified look on his face. There’s blood on his cuffs and rips all over his shirt, and he’s shaking all over. If he were closer, Isak thinks maybe he’d be able to see tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me, please,” the boy begs, and although Isak keeps the gun aimed at him, he nods.

“I won’t fire it if you don’t give me a reason to,” he says. “Who are you?”

“I- I’m Mikael, please don’t hurt me, I just - you’re looking for a girl? Blonde hair? Kind of - small?”

Isak tightens his grip on the pistol, and finds himself having difficulty speaking. “Y- you’ve seen her?”

“She- she’s by the river. 5 minutes that way,” he points to the left. “She’s - I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Mikael starts to back away, and Isak can’t move at first, although he can’t help but think maybe he should be asking more questions, maybe if he knows more he could calm himself, stop his brain from racing as fast as it is. But it’s racing too fast to stop Mikael from running, and all he has left is _five minutes that way_ and the image of all the blood on Mikael’s shirt.

When they reach her, it’s clear that asking more questions wouldn’t have calmed Isak.

Sara lies in the shallows of the river, curled in on herself, hands held tightly to her stomach, and her shirt soaked with blood. She’s shivering, breathing shallow, barely hanging onto consciousness, but she’s alive. Isak can feel the pulse weak in her neck when he crouches down next to her and reaches out.

“Fuck,” he mutters. “Sara, can you hear me?”

Her eyes open a fraction, and she moves her head in a weak attempt at a nod.

“I-” Isak doesn't know what else to say, or do. There's no guidebook for this, nothing that could have prepared him. “What do I do?” He asks, breathless. “Sara, I-”

There's nothing he can do. He doesn't know the first thing about medicine, and even if he did, what good would it do?

She's going to die. His stomach plummets at the thought.

“Sara-” he tries again, but what can he say?

“‘hurts,” Sara chokes out. “I- I.”

She stops, and reaches out a hand to Isak. At first, he holds his hand out to, maybe that's what she wanted, but her hand reaches instead for the pistol, and she taps it weakly before pulling her hand back in to her body.

“No,” Isak says, slowly at first, as the implication of her request sinks in. “Sara no, we can help, we can-”

They can't. He knew that already. Sara's eyes close, but her breath still comes in ragged breaths. Isak can't just leave her like this.

The pistol is heavy against his thigh. He’s never killed anyone before.

“Ingrid,” he calls out, his voice so weak he worries she might not hear him, but a few seconds later, there’s footsteps behind him.

“Did you fi-” Her words catch as she sees Sara.

Isak can’t look at her - he can’t meet the eyes of someone about to lose her best friend. But he hears her take a shaky step backwards, hears her breathing quicken. Hears her heart break.

“We have to-” she tries. “We have to get her back to camp, we need to-”

“We can’t.” It’s funny how detached Isak can make himself be when he needs to. “She’s not going to make it.”

“But we could,” there’s panic in Ingrid’s voice, and Isak knows she can’t stay here to watch the part that comes next. “-if we could get the doctor...”

“Magnusson’s doctor?” Isak asks sharply. “And pay for it with what?”

“I don’t know, but - she’s - it’s the only-”

“Ingrid,” Isak stops her. “We can’t.”

“But we can’t just let her suffer!” Ingrid cries. “Isak, please, we have to - we have to-” she trails off as she sees Isak’s hand rest on the gun. “Isak?”

“Go and get Jonas.” Isak orders. “You shouldn’t be here to see this.”

“I-”

“Go,” he repeats, more insistent this time. “I can’t carry her back on my own.”

He stands when he hears the sound of Ingrid running.

The pistol is heavy in his hands.

 

*

 

He wakes in a cold sweat just before he pulls the trigger, but he hears the sound of the gunshot and sees the way Sara’s body goes limp as clearly as if he was still dreaming - as clearly as if he was back by the river with a gun in his hand. .

This isn’t the worst version of the dream that he’s had. It’s what he gets most nights, just to relive the whole thing in detail and wake as he fires the gun.  

But some nights it twists and morphs before him, Sara wakes again and begs to know why he did it, how could he do it. Some nights he fires at Mikael, and the fact that he knows nothing about him doesn’t help make it any easier. Some nights Ingrid dives in front of her best friend to save her, and Isak kills them both.

Some nights he takes the pistol back to camp, and fires it at everyone there. Sana, Jonas, Eva, everyone. He kills them all, never understanding why he does it, but always waking with the guilt and the knowledge that he _could_.

It could have been any of them. Sara was as good as family, and he murdered her.

The sun is beginning to rise when he leaves his bed, untangling himself from Eva’s arms around him. She holds him to comfort him and help him sleep through the night but most of the time when he wakes from a nightmare it feels like a threat, like a test, like _would you kill her too?_

He isn’t going to get back to sleep now, despite the early hour. A look at his watch tells him he’s had three hours of sleep, and, well, it’s not the worst night he’s ever had. It’s far too early to go out and hunt, though, so he settles on climbing his favourite tree at the edge of camp, taking pencil and paper and trying to design more effective hunting traps.

Sana has told him they’ll excuse him if he’s not ready to go back to hunting yet, like they’ve excused Ingrid, and let her swap roles with Magnus for the time being. She tends to the few plants that they manage to grow in the camp, while Magnus lumbers through the trees like a herd of elephants, and catches a quarter of the amount of food that Ingrid used to be able to.

But Isak doesn’t trust anyone but himself to understand how the traps work, and besides, if things were to change, to sway from the routine that he relies on, he doesn’t know how he would stop himself falling apart.

It helps that his traps, when they work correctly, kill the animals for him. It helps that when he gets a knife out, it’s only ever to cut down a branch in his way, or cut free an already dead animal. If the time comes that he does have to kill an animal - well, he’ll manage. He’ll manage because there’s not much else he can do. This is the world he lives in, hunting through half-dead trees to catch rats and birds and squirrels to eat, because there’s no other animals left. Living with twel- eleven other people in a makeshift camp that they’ve built out of logs and sheets, and salvaging anything that they can use to make survival easier. Protecting the camp and themselves every day from other people who might come and steal their resources, or fight over what they can find in the forest.

And all the while, there’s a village to the south that has enough food and water and shelter for everyone who fled into the forest after the city fell, but the people in charge there only allow people entry at a high price, and only to the market. Using any of their resources, life saving resources, costs money that no one has.

Still, they have each other. They have a system that works, each with their own roles, with Sana leading them. They’re surviving.

Most of them.

It’s been two weeks since Isak held the gun.

Said gun is locked up again, now. It’s the only one they have in their camp, only to be used in emergencies. Only to be used as a threat.

His hands shake thinking about it, and the line he had been drawing across the paper tails off in the wrong direction in his distraction. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and screws his eyes shut against the unwelcome images that start to flash through his mind.

A weak pulse. Ragged breath. Blood flowing into the river. Cold metal against his palms. A single gunshot.

A movement to his left causes his hand to fly automatically to the knife in his belt, though he probably won’t have the energy to actually take it out if there’s a threat there, Still, he keeps one hand on the knife, and watches carefully, silently.

It’s Sana, climbing down from the watch tree at the north of their camp, and looking around shiftily (although not up) before walking out of the camp.

Her path takes her under Isak’s tree.

“Hi, Sana,” he greets her in a bored voice, as if unconcerned by her actions.

She starts, and turns to look up at him, raising an unamused eyebrow as if to try and pretend he hadn’t surprised her.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” she calls up to him quietly.

“Why didn’t you notice me moving around earlier, lookout?” he replies instead of answering her.

A flash of guilt and worry crosses her face, but she schools herself into her usual stern expression quickly enough. She shrugs, and it takes Isak jumping down from his perch in the tree for her to sigh and give him an answer.

“I was talking with Noora,” she says. Noora is Sana’s second in command, and Isak knows they’ve been having more discussions just between the two of them for the last two weeks. They aren’t subtle. “She was taking over my watch. Why aren’t you sleeping?” she asks again, and Isak knows she worries about him, but he doesn’t deserve her concern, nor does he want her pity.

“Come on, Sana,” he grins. “Three hours is enough for me, you know that.”

Sana doesn’t hide the worried look on her face this time. “Isak-“

“Where are you going at 5 in the morning without telling anyone, that’s what I wanna know,” Isak interrupts quickly.

“I told Noora,” Sana says, and Isak recognises her attempt at avoiding the question, because he’s well versed in the art himself.

So he’s not going to get a straight answer from Sana, but he can dig a little.

“And she’s happy with you going out alone?” Isak says.

“She knows I know what I’m doing.”

Sara knew what she was doing, too. Isak could tell Sana that, only he still hasn’t spoken her name out loud, so he chooses to say something easier.

“What exactly are you doing?”

Sana hesitates before replying. “Just going for a walk,” she says, unconvincingly.

Isak nods, letting her know he sees through her. “Sounds nice. Where?”

“Around.”

“Mhm,” Isak says. “You know, I haven’t checked the traps yet this morning. I’ll come with you.”

“No, you won’t,” Sana says firmly. “Check them later.”

“Tell me where you’re really going and I’ll think about it.”

“Do I need to remind you who’s in charge here?”

“Not a great leader if you’re keeping secrets, are you?”

Sana rolls her eyes, and then sighs, letting Isak know she won’t argue with him any longer.

“I know who Mikael is,” she says. “I’m going to talk to his camp leader.”

Isak snaps his gaze back to her at this, frowning. “Talk to them why?”

“I want to make sure we won’t be in that situation again.”

“Sana, he wasn’t-“ Isak doesn’t know how to say it properly. “He didn’t-“

Sana misinterprets. “Isak, you did the right thing. It wasn’t your fault. Mikael is the one who caused it.”

“No, Sana, you don’t understand,” Isak tries again, frustrated. “He was terrified. He didn’t want any of it.”

She settles back into a pitying look again, and Isak tenses back up. “I’m not going for revenge,” she says. “I don’t even want to see Mikael. I need to discuss how we can stop our hunters running into each other so frequently. If we don’t do that - it’s only a matter of time before something like this happens again.”

“Something like this?” Isak scoffs. “You mean something like you getting killed if you go too near their camp?”

“I’m going to talk, Isak, not to fight.”

“And how are they going to know that?”

Sana doesn’t reply, but moves to set off again, ignoring Isak’s words, and he hurries to stop her.

“If you can’t convince me they won’t attack you for going near their camp, there’s no way I’m letting you go alone, Sana.”

There’s no way anyone in camp is getting into that kind of situation again. Isak won’t let them. Still, Sana doesn’t reply, and Isak becomes more urgent.

“Sana, you can’t put yourself in danger like this-”

“I’m not in danger, Isak!” she interrupts him quickly, and sighs before she explains. “Mikael’s camp leader is my brother.”

Sana has never been an open book, Isak knows that much about her, but this is something he didn’t expect her to keep secret.

“Your brother’s still alive?”

“Far as I’m aware, yes,” Sana says. “But this is between us, okay?”

“But - why?”

“Use your brain, Isak,” she snaps. “We’re the leaders of two different camps. Fighting over food and territory just to survive, and if it came down to it, it could be his life vs the life of someone in our camp. I can’t have anyone questioning that my loyalties lie with our camp.”

“I don’t think anyone would doubt your loyalty, Sana,” Isak says truthfully.  “Your safety, on the other hand…” he tails off, looking at her pointedly.

“I just told you the camp is led by my brother and you still think I’m not safe?”

“You also just told me that you would choose this camp over him, don’t you think he might feel the same?”

“That was only if it came down to a fight,” Sana reasons, but she’s wavering a little. “He wouldn’t kill me if I posed no threat.”

Isak catches her eye and considers her for a minute. “It’s not just him in the camp though, is it?”

“I-”

“Would the others recognise you?”

Sana has no answer to this.

“You aren’t going by yourself.”

“That’s not up to you.”

“I’ll tell everyone that Elias is alive.”

Sana’s brow furrows, and she momentarily seems to find it difficult to speak. “You - are - are you _blackmailing_ me?”

“With good intentions, yeah,” Isak grins. “Besides, I wanna meet your brother. Eva said he was hot, so…” he trails off, grinning mischievously at Sana’s raised eyebrow.

“Right, and you’re really going to get a date with someone from another camp.”

“So no arguments about it being your brother?”

“Isak,” Sana warns.

He laughs. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on dating anyone in the near future. Where’s the opportunity for that, right?”

Sana doesn’t reply, but keeps the stern look on her face.

“But why not let me appreciate nice views, Sana? I don’t get much chance anywhere else.”

“You’re not coming with me.”

“I promise not to hit on your brother.”

“If you did you’d get kicked out of our camp,” Sana says as she begins to walk away. Isak follows quickly, falling into step beside her.

“What, just for hitting on him?” he asks.

“Isak,” Sana stops in her tracks and spins to face him. “You aren’t coming with me.”

“You’ve already tried telling me that.” Isak keeps walking in the direction of Elias’s camp. knowing that Sana will soon run to catch up with him. Sure enough, ten seconds later, she’s by his side again.

“You do know that as leader of our camp I have the power to kick you out?”

Isak smiles to himself. “Will you, though? Kick out your best bud?”

“We aren’t best buds.”

Isak turns to her and raises an eyebrow. “Then why am I the only one accompanying you on this mission?”

“Because you’re too stubborn to go back and leave me alone.”

“And you’re too proud to admit that going alone is a bad idea.” Isak is pretty sure he’s won when Sana doesn’t reply. “Come on,” he says cheerfully, and starts to walk in the direction Sana had been going before he stopped her, but she pulls him back with a hand on his arm.

“Isak, I can handle this. Noora - and you - know where I’m going, I’ll be fine.”

Isak sighs heavily, realises he has to use the one tool he knows will persuade her, and swallows before he speaks, building up the courage to say it.

“So you want me to find you nearly dead in the river too?”

There’s dead silence for a moment.

“Isak-”

“Sana, you’re not going alone. It’s as simple as that.”

It’s obvious that Sana still wants to argue. She stares Isak down for a moment, before her shoulders relax.

“God, you’re stubborn,” she says, and Isak smiles at his victory, and follows as Sana walks away. “I don’t know how you think you can make me any safer. You can’t exactly set a trap in the middle of a fight.”

Isak huffs a laugh. “But hey, it helps that I’m persuasive, right? I can help you make a deal with the other guys.”

“I can manage fine on my own.”

“But you aren’t going to be on your own.”

“Unfortunately.”

Sana speeds up her pace a little, and Isak lets her pull ahead for a while, knowing that catching up with her after she’s lost an argument is a bad idea. He simply smiles fondly at her from behind, waiting for the telltale relax of her shoulders to let him know he can fall into step with her again.

 

*

 

They’ve been walking for over half an hour when there’s a rustle in the trees to their left. Sana stops in her tracks as Isak darts forward to grab her arm and pull her behind a large tree.

“Is there one of your traps over there?” Sana whispers, and Isak shakes his head, pulling the knife out from his belt and watching Sana do the same.

They inch around the tree slowly, both tightening their grip on their knives. When Isak has moved around enough to see what has made the rustling noise, he steels himself to fight. There’s a boy there, around their own age, maybe a little older, with floppy black hair sticking out the top of a bandana.

Sana doesn’t seem able to move. Isak nudges her, and she glances at him, before giving Isak a pointed glance and putting away her knife, then stepping out into full view.

“Hey, Yousef,” she says confidently.

Yousef jumps and glances up, pulling a knife from his own belt, before he sees who spoke and his eyes narrow.

“Sana? What are you doing here?” he asks, incredulous, returning the knife to his belt.

Isak wants to trust that this means there’s no threat, really he does, but even if Sana knows Yousef, Isak doesn’t. He steps out from behind the tree, knife still held tightly.

“You gonna explain?” he asks Sana in a low voice, keeping his eyes still on Yousef.

She rolls her eyes. “Put your knife away. This is Yousef. My brother’s best friend. Yousef, this is Isak.”

Yousef nods. “Sana, you guys are getting pretty close to our territory, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Sana replies. “I need to see Elias.”

“Yeah, of course, but-“ Yousef pauses. “Not all of our guys recognise you. In fact, only me and Elias do. If it was one of the other guys on watch - we’d-“

“Told you it was dangerous,” Isak grins, unable to keep himself from boasting. Sana elbows him sharply in the ribs.

“Well, thank god it was you we ran into, then,” she says, ignoring Isak. “Can you take us to see Elias?”

“Take us to your leader,” Isak mocks, and Sana elbows him again.

“Please ignore Isak,” she smiles sweetly at Yousef. “I couldn’t get him to stay behind. He’s under the impression that I need him.”

Yousef nods, and seems to be fighting a smile as he turns and starts to walk. Isak can’t help but note with annoyance that he seems to be on Sana’s side.

“It’s safer with two of us,” Isak grumbles when he and Sana catch up to Yousef, and to his delight, Yousef nods.

“Yeah, actually, I’m glad you didn’t come alone, Sana. Could have been dangerous.”

“You don’t think I can protect myself?” Sana asks fiercely, and Yousef lifts his hands in defence.

“I do, I do!” he protests. “But it’s even safer with two of you.”

Sana huffs in annoyance, and puts a hand on her knife.

“I could prove to you right now that I don’t need him,” she says.

Yousef gives a nervous laugh. “There’s really no need for that, Sana,” he says. “Elias has told me all about how well you throw knives. I’d rather not be the target.”

Sana removes her hand with a smirk. “As long as you know,” she says. “How far to your camp?”

“Ten minutes,” Yousef says. “Couldn’t you have organised a meeting with Elias somewhere else? The guys aren’t gonna be happy with you coming in.”

“They’ll have to deal with it,” Sana says. “We have a deal to propose.”

“A deal? About what?”

“Territories. Hunting grounds. Fighting each other. That sort of thing.”

Yousef shoulders slump. “Sana, Mikael didn’t-“

“I know,” Sana cuts him off quickly. “But I’d like it if it didn’t have the chance to happen again.”

“Sana-“

“Just take me to my brother, Yousef.”

 

*

 

Isak doesn’t notice the boy in the tree ahead of him until there’s an arrow whizzing past his head, missing him by a centimetre. When he looks up, he’s being glared at.

“Next time I won’t miss,” the boy warns. “Yousef, you better have a decent explanation.”

“Chill, Even,” Yousef says in a calming voice. “This is Sana. Elias’s sister. And Isak, from her camp.”

“And why are they in our camp?”

“They want to talk to Elias. About - you know,” Yousef trails off. “They want to make a deal with us.”

“So go and get Elias,” Even says. “I’ll watch them. They aren’t coming into our camp.”

“We aren’t going to steal anything,” Isak says.

Even shrugs. “Nothing in there worth stealing. You still aren’t coming in. I’m not letting people from your camp anywhere near Mikael.”

“Even, I don’t think they’re-” Yousef tries to speak, but Even cuts him off.

“Go and get Elias,” he says. “He’s the leader. He can decide whether they come in.”

Yousef huffs in annoyance, before agreeing to Even’s order. He turns to Sana and Isak.

“He’s all talk, he won’t actually hurt you,” he says in a low voice. “Wait here. I’ll be five minutes.”

Isak waits until he’s out of earshot to turn to Sana. “I’m really feeling reassured by someone I don’t know telling me the guy firing arrows at me isn’t going to hurt me, how about you?”

Sana rolls her eyes. “If you’re feeling unsafe, Isak, I suggest you go back. I told you I could handle this alone.”

Isak glances up into the tree at Even, still glaring at them. “I’m not leaving you alone with that guy.”

“My hero,” Sana mocks. “Remind me again, who’s the one who’s actually good at throwing knives?”

“Why will you never accept help, Sana?”

Sana ignores him for a minute, instead choosing to take a little puzzle game out from her pocket and attempt to solve it. Isak has seen the puzzle before; Sana has taken to carrying it around everywhere and takes it out when she feels uncomfortable or runs out of things to say. It takes her only a few seconds to solve it after having done it so many times before, and she puts it away, looking back up at Isak.

“Thanks for coming with me,” she says reluctantly, and Isak grins.

“Any time.”

He goes back to watching Even in the trees, almost having a staring contest with him, although the look on Isak’s face is far more pleasant than Even’s.

“It’s a shame he’s so mad at us,” Isak comments. “He’d be pretty if he weren’t so angry.”

Even hears him. His eyebrows flick upwards, and his glare relaxes into a look of surprise.

Isak grins triumphantly. “There we go.”

The glare returns, and Sana elbows him in the ribs for the third time.

“You promised not to flirt,” she reminds him.

“Yeah, with your brother,” Isak replies. “That’s not your brother.”

“He’s still in the other camp.”

“Relax, Sana,” Isak soothes. “It’s not like I have any-” he wiggles his eyebrows. “ _Intentions._ Like I said, I’m just enjoying the view.”

Even lifts his bow again, eyes narrowed.

“Would you enjoy the view with an arrow in your eye?” he asks, and Isak can barely fight a laugh at Even’s empty threat.

“By all means,” Isak smirks. “Shoot me. Archery really makes your arms look good, so it’s kind of worth it.”

“Isak,” Sana hisses. We’re trying not to piss off the people we want to make a deal with, okay?”

“Why should this piss him off? I’m complimenting him.”

“You’re annoying him,” Sana corrects. “And me.”

“Yeah, well,” Isak shrugs. “That’s kind of my job.”

“Actually,” a voice comes through the trees, and Isak and Sana snap their heads round, hands flying to their knives, only to see Yousef back with someone that Isak can only assume is Elias. His suspicions are confirmed when Elias continues. “Being annoying is Sana’s job, as the younger sibling.”

Isak looks at Sana to see a smile flickering on her usually stern face.

“What, no hug?” Elias says. “It’s been months since we’ve seen each other and you can’t even manage that?”

“Not after that comment,” Sana says, walking towards Elias and embracing him tightly.

When they pull apart, Elias looks up at Even.

“They’re coming into the camp, Even,” he says. “Yousef will take over your watch and you can go guard Mik if you really want to.” He turns back to Sana. “But I know you. You didn’t come for revenge, did you?”

Sana shakes her head. “We just want to make sure it won’t happen again,” she glances at Isak. “Or, _I_ want to make sure it won’t happen again. Isak’s just here because he’s stubborn.”

“I’m here because you could have had an arrow through your head if you’d come alone,” he glances up at Even, who is readying himself to jump down from the tree, and pointedly ignores Isak’s remark. “However hot the guy firing it is.”

Elias looks like he wants to burst out laughing as Sana rolls her eyes.

“Come on,” Elias says, grinning. “Follow me.”

Sana and Isak follow him through the last few densely growing trees and bushes, finally coming in sight of a small camp, with a few roughly constructed tents of fabric and wood in a circle, a fire pit in the centre and patches of growing plants around the outside. It’s not dissimilar to how their own camp is set out, although it’s only around half the size.

Isak watches as Even darts into the tent furthest away, hand on his knife as if he expects an attack.

Elias leads Isak and Sana into the largest tent, containing a table scattered with papers and tools, and a guy cleaning a pistol and waiting for them. It’s a pretty poor intimidation tactic, especially since Elias rolls his eyes and barks at him to put it away as soon as they walk in.

“This is Mutta,” Elias says. “Second in command. Mutta, Sana, my sister, and Isak,” he turns back to Sana. “Is Isak second in command?”

Sana scoffs. “You think I’d let him be in charge after me?” Isak rolls his eyes. “No, he’s one of our hunters. My second is back at our camp. Isak is just stubborn, like i’ve said.”

“Always so mean to me,” Isak mutters, but Sana pretends not to hear, and addresses Elias and Mutta.

“Your camp is smaller than I expected it,” she says. “How many of you are there?”

Elias considers her for a moment, as if he’s not sure whether to tell the truth.

“Six,” he admits eventually. “But we aren’t defenceless, just so you know.”

Isak raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, we’ve seen.”

Elias smirks. “How many do you have?”

“Thi- twelve,” she says. “We have twelve now.”

Elias nods. “So… Yousef said you wanted a deal?” he asks, suddenly slightly wary. “What’s that about?”

Sana waits a moment before answering, a tactic Isak knows she uses as a power play, to get the upper hand in discussions. It’s long since stopped working on Isak, but he wonders if it’s the same with her brother.

“We want to map out hunting territories,” she says. “Our camps are the nearest to each other by far, most other camps are five, six miles away at least. Hunting doesn’t overlap with them but with you, our hunters run into each other. Spring the wrong traps. Get into disagreements.” She holds Elias’s eye contact at this, “We propose a boundary. Somewhere your hunting grounds stop and ours begins, just on the land between our camps.”

Elias glances over to Mutta, who nods. “Seems like a good idea. How do you suggest we do it?”

Sana pulls a map from the bag over her shoulder, and lays it out on the table.

“So, this is the land between our camps,” she explains. “Most of our problems occur around the river. There’s two options - either we split the river, you have the north of it, and we have the south, or we propose a truce, a ceasefire of sorts, at the river.You stick to your side, we’ll stick to ours, but if we meet at the river, no one gets hurt.”

There’s a reason that Isak is neither camp leader nor second in command. The rest of the discussion goes over his head, and besides the eventual conclusion that neither group will cross the river anymore, he doesn’t really take in any of it, until the conversation turns to Mikael.

“Ingrid has requested that he doesn’t hunt anymore,” says Sana. “I think that should be your decision,” she looks at Elias. “And I’m willing to let it slide as a condition, but I needed to mention it.”

It’s strange that Ingrid was consulted about this meeting, and not Isak, although he knows he would have said nothing. Sana would know that too, in fact, so maybe it makes sense.

“Mikael doesn’t hunt anymore anyway. He doesn’t want to.”  

Sana nods. “Then-”

“Can I see him?” Isak asks quietly. “Can I see Mikael?

Mutta and Elias exchange glances, while Sana looks at Isak with worry. “Isak-”

“I just want to know he’s okay,” Isak confesses. “I just want to talk to him.”

There’s so much more he could say, so many reasons he needs to see Mikael. He remembers the terrified look on his face when he saw him, and there’s countless times it’s crossed his mind that Mikael risked his own life to tell Isak where Sara was. He must have seen Isak’s gun before he spoke to him, and yet he didn’t just run the other way. And now, in the aftermath, well Isak knows how he feels about it all, and can’t help but think maybe Mikael is in the same boat, sleepless, restless, dragged down with guilt.

Isak wants to forgive him. Maybe it’ll help both of them.

Elias murmurs something to Mutta, who nods, and leaves the tent, before Elias turns back to face Isak, giving him a calculating look.

“Mutta’s gone to ask if he’ll agree to it.”

Isak gives a tentative smile. “Thanks.”

“If he agrees,” Elias continues. “You leave your knife with us, and any other weapons you have.”

Isak nods hastily. “I don’t want to hurt him, I promise.”

Elias’s expression doesn’t soften. “You think I can trust promise?”

“Elias, stop,” Sana says, and Elias does as she says, pressing his lips together and leaning back slightly. Sana turns to Isak. “Are you sure this is a good idea? What if you-”

“I won’t,” Isak says sharply. “What if I do anyway? The worst that happens is I make a fool of myself.”

“What are you talking about?” Elias interrupts. “What might you do?”

Isak rolls his eyes and tips his head back to look at the ceiling, while Sana answers for him.

“Panic attack,” she says quietly.

Where he expected to see amusement from Elias, there’s only a nod. “Mik gets those too.”

None of them speak for a while, until Mutta returns.

“Even’s not happy about it,” is the first thing he says. “But Mikael says he wants to see you too.”

Isak puts his knife on the table before Elias has the chance to ask him for it.

“He wants Even there with him, though,” Mutta adds. “And Even wants the gun.”

It’s as though the whole world has stopped, gone silent, all eyes on Isak.

He hurries to laugh it off. “Does he know what it’s like to fire it?” he asks, keeping his voice level and aiming for a slightly bored tone. He’s not sure if he misses it, but the atmosphere calms again.

A minute later and he’s following Mutta across the camp, past the firepit in the centre and towards the tent that he had seen Even dart into earlier. Mutta’s hands are tense around the pistol, and Isak wonders if it’s just because of the atmosphere, or maybe Mutta has experience with it too.

Even is waiting at the entrance to the tent, and holds his hand out to Mutta expectantly. They communicate something through significant looks as Mutta hands over the pistol, and finally Even stands aside to let Isak through, following quickly after him.

When Isak held the gun, this situation is exactly what he was told it was for. Just a threat. Just in case. Even hasn’t spoken a civil word to him, and still Isak prays that he won’t ever have Isak’s experience.

Mikael is sitting at the little table in the tent, linking and unlinking his hands out in front of him. He looks up when Isak enters and takes the seat opposite him, eyes wide and fearful, but doesn’t speak.

It’s difficult for Isak to speak, too, but eventually he chokes out a “hi.”

Mikael looks different when he’s not breathless and covered in blood, but not different enough that it doesn’t bring back the memory, make Isak’s heart race and breathing quicken. For a moment the instinct to fight washes over him, his hands curl into fists under the table and he grits his teeth, but he catches himself in time, and calms himself with eyes closed and a shaky exhale.

“I’m so sorry,” are the first words that Mikael says. “I didn’t - didn’t mean for it to - she just-”

He cuts off at Isak’s sharp intake of breath.

“I’m sorry,” he finishes, a second later. Isak just nods, and Mikael looks at him in confusion. “Aren’t you gonna - shout, or something? Hit me?”

Now it’s Isak’s turn to look confused. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I - because it’s all my fault,” he explains, but can’t seem to get any further than that.

“Why would you agree to meet me if you thought I would do that?”

Mikael is silent. Isak knows the answer anyway.

“You don’t deserve that, Mikael. Really,” he says. “I asked to meet you because I wanted to know you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Mikael says. “But why do you want to know that?”

“I -” Isak hesitates. “Thought it might be easier if I knew that no one else was hurt.”

Mikael doesn’t respond immediately. He looks down at his hands, linking and unlinking them, and then swallows. “I’m not,” he says. “I mean, I’m as okay as I can be. Are you?”

There’s not much Isak can do but nod.

 

*

 

The forest is eerily silent when Isak finally brings himself to check the traps that he had set near to where Sara had died. It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s been around that part of the forest, and he’d leave it for longer, only with the restriction now on their hunting grounds, he needs to use all the space he can get.

Eva had offered to come with him, even to check the traps for him, if he taught her how they worked, but he refused, saying he would check them himself.

-x-x-

_“Hey,” it was two days after it happened, and Isak had been sitting beside the fire, tying ropes into knots and sharpening his knife. Everyone else had been off doing their daily jobs, except Ingrid - still sleeping away her tears, and Isak appreciated the silence, the opportunity to finally come out of hiding, to see the sun._

_Eva had come back from hunting to find him, and sat down on the bench next to him._

_“How are you doing?” she asked gently, and Isak had shrugged without looking up, focussing on his work. The two of them sit in silence for a while, Isak continuing to scribble designs for traps and Eva taking a stick and prodding at the embers of the fire to make sparks._

_“Can-” she started, hesitating a little. “Can you make me a map of where you’ve set traps? So I can go and check them?”_

_Isak frowned. “There’s no need,” he said. “I’m going out tomorrow.”_

_“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”_

_“What else should I do? Sit around with my thoughts? Because I’ve tried that. Not a fan.”_

_“No, but-” Eva sighed. “You don’t have to go back out there, you know? There’s other jobs.”_

_None that Isak wanted to do. He shrugged again._

_“I’m going out tomorrow," he repeated. “None of you understand how the traps work anyway.”_

_“What about the river?”_

_“What about it?”_

_“There are traps around - there, aren’t there?” She looked at him with concern in her eyes. “If you need me to check them-”_

_“I’ll check them,” Isak said. “Don’t worry about it.”_

-x-x-

He hasn’t checked them - until now, when he finally ventures over towards the river.

There’s a phantom weight of a pistol against his thigh, and a ghost of Ingrid’s voice calling out for Sara. He twitches at every sound above the noise of the river, and almost everything sounds like Mikael’s cough from behind him.

At the first glimpse of the river, he slumps to the ground by a tree, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes and praying for the memory to stop playing.

But he has work to do.

He’s a little downstream of where he had found Sara, and doesn’t dare turn his head to look at the place itself, but sets to work checking the traps in the water.

The fish he’s caught are long dead, and he empties them out into the river, wrinkling his nose slightly as he watches them get carried away by the quick flow of the water, before turning his attention back to resetting the trap.

The water starts to run with blood.

Isak stands and stumbles backwards, his hands finding the steadiness of a tree trunk behind him, and he falls back onto it, breathing coming fast and heavy, and when he looks back at the river, the water is clear again.

Perhaps he should have let Eva check the traps around here for him. He’ll talk to her about it later. For now, he pushes himself back up to standing, and glances around out of habit.

There’s someone across the river - upstream, where Isak couldn’t bring himself to look, sitting in the branches of a tree. Watching him.

Not just any someone, either. It’s Even, and, from the way he’s settled in the tree with his bow in hand, he’s been there for a while. He’s seen the whole thing, all of Isak’s panic.

Isak catches his eye, and Even raises a hand in a mocking salute. Isak doesn’t know how to respond to this other than an angry huff.

Before he can understand what’s happening, Even is jumping down from the tree, and jumping across the large flat rocks in the river.

“Y-you aren’t allowed over here,” Isak starts nervously, shakily pulling out his knife and pointing it towards Even, who seems unimpressed. “We made a deal.”

“The deal says that the river is a free country. So long as I don’t actually get to your side.”

Even grins at him, and Isak can’t tell if he’s being cruel. The other option is that he’s being friendly, and, well - friendly? In this world? It’s strange.

Not impossible, not even unwelcome, just - strange.

“I just came to check that you’re okay,” Even says. “You seemed pretty-“

“I’m fine,” Isak says quickly. “I just-“ wait, why is he telling Even anything? “Did - did the water - change colour just now?”

Even shakes his head, slow, confused. “You mean when you jumped back from it? It was clear the whole time, far as I could see.”

Isak swallows. “Okay.” He turns to leave.

“What colour did you think it was?” Even asks, concern filling his voice in a way Isak doesn’t expect from someone not from his own camp.

“Go back to your side of the river, Even,” he says instead of answering.

“No - wait, Isak,” Even says urgently, making Isak turn back to face him again. “I just wanted to say - I’m sorry I thought you wanted to hurt Mik.”

Isak shrugs. “I would have thought the same. No big deal.”

“Yeah, but - I shouldn’t have had the gun. I’m sorry.”

It takes Isak a while to think of a decent reply to this. He simply stares at Even for a while, before he finally brings himself to speak, shrugging again. “No big deal,” he repeats. “You needed a threat. Guns are good for that.”

Even looks like he wants to reply, but has nothing good to say.

Isak just gives a hollow laugh, before turning to leave again. “You better hope you never have to use it as anything other than a threat, though,” he says. “You’ll start thinking the water’s turned into blood.”

 

*

 

He’s never been so relieved to get back to the safety of his own tent, and even more so when he finds it empty. Jonas must be across the stream at the farm, and Eva will be out hunting for a while yet. Isak has the place to himself for a while, and he needs it. He needs the time to throw himself down onto the blankets, burying his head into the roughly made pillows, and stop himself thinking for a while.

God, he wishes Sana had approved Jonas’s request to try and make alcohol. It wouldn’t _feel_ like a waste of resources.

He needs to stop thinking. None of his usual methods are working - sleep, designing more traps, remembering his home in the city before the bombs and imagining he still lives there - nothing works. His mind is planted firmly back at the river, and he can’t tear it away.

The worst part is, it’s not with Sara. It’s not torturing him with the guilt that he knows he deserves.

No, he’s stuck thinking about Even. The way he was ... just … there. Why had he been there? Why did he ask if Isak was okay and why did he apologise for protecting his friend? Why has he left such an impression in Isak’s mind?

Whatever it is, it needs to stop. Isak doesn’t have any time to be thinking about that. Maybe if, one day, the world gets back into balance, and the cities get rebuilt. Maybe when no one is living off food that they have to hunt or grow for themselves, or buy at unmanageable prices in a market that’s monopolised by one man who ‘owns’ a village.

Maybe. That’s a stupid thought. He doesn’t have any time or reason to think about Even, end of story.

But, god, if he doesn’t want to know why Even is occupying so much of his mind.

Nothing seems to work to shut his brain up in his isolation, so for once in his life, he goes outside and seeks company.

Mahdi is in the food tent, making what Isak thinks is going to be dinner. He’s glad there’s someone in their group that knows how to cook, because if it were Isak alone, he’d be starving, or else eating raw meat and poisonous mushrooms from the forest.

It really starts to become clear what gaps there are in your education when your city is bombed and you’re forced out into the forest to survive.

But they all found each other, and made a camp and found a family, organised each other with the knowledge that they had and everything they could bring to the camp. It’s working out, kind of.

“What’s up?” Mahdi greets him as he comes to sit by the fire. Isak likes Mahdi. He’s always calm, and seems unbothered. He’s a good friend in a laid back sort of way, never willing to pry, but always willing to lend a shoulder or an ear should it be needed.

It’s not what Isak needs right now, though. Isak just needs distraction.

“Not much,” he says. “What about you?”

“Same,” Mahdi says. “Always the same. Running out of food, trying to make squirrels taste good. The usual.”

Isak nods. “Well, I’ll try and catch some tastier animals, but I think most of them are extinct. Or at least not living in the forest.”

“I think you should try the village,” Mahdireplies. “Did Chris tell you that Magnusson was selling half a turkey for 3000kr?”

“Three thous- you have to be joking.”

Mahdi shakes his head. “I’m not. And according to Other Chris, they have whole farms full of them, and other animals. Only available to people who live in the village, of course.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not moving there though.”

“None of us are, buddy. No one wants to be the Magnussons’ personal slave. Even if you do get better food.”

“We’re managing out here,” Isak says. “Your food isn’t that bad.”

Mahdi smiles. “Thanks. I’d kill for a pizza right now, though.”

“God, you’re telling me.”

 

*

 

He meets Even again in the forest, further upstream than the first time, but still at the river. It’s Even that acknowledges it - Isak was planning on pretending he couldn’t see the figure holding a bow and arrow in the tree across the water, but no such luck.

Even jumps down, surprisingly light footed considering his height, but still Isak notices - although he tries not to, and focusses harder on the trap in front of him despite knowing that Even is moving closer towards him by the second with a mischievous grin on his face.

Even is less than five metres away when Isak can ignore him no longer, but he speaks without looking, to at least keep up some of the pretence.

“You’re getting dangerously close to the wrong side, Even.” he says casually, all the while gripping his knife a little tighter.

Even laughs. “You wouldn’t hurt this pretty face, would you?”

“Don’t need to damage your face to hurt the rest of you.”

“If I recall correctly, my arms are off the table too, right?”

Isak glances up, raises an eyebrow, then ducks his head again to hide his smile. “Nah, changed my mind. Not as good up close.”

Even lets out an offended sound. “What if I shoot something? Remind you of your first thoughts when you saw me?”

“My first thoughts were “oh, shit, there’s a guy in a tree trying to kill me.”

“But then you realised I was hot.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I said what I had to to survive.”

“Nah, you meant it.” Isak can hear the smile in Even’s voice now, and can’t resist looking up to see it.

He looks up and sees the bow that Even is still holding, too, and reality crashes back into him. This isn’t a time for making friends.

He stands abruptly, the faint smile on his face replaced with a scowl, and Evens eyebrows flick up in confusion.

“Just get back to your side of the river, Even,” Isak says, keeping his voice low and steady, twirling his knife between two fingers. “We had a deal.”

 

*

 

Would he have hurt Even? If straightaway Even hadn’t backed off, confusion evident but understanding stronger, would Isak have made good on his threat?

is killing someone with a knife easier than with a gun?

Even appears in his dreams that night, blood soaking into the forest floor and Isak’s knife sunk deep into his heart.

 

*

 

He doesn’t go to the river for three days. and when he finally does, he finds himself mercifully alone. The river is peaceful, almost normal, almost as if nothing ever happened.

 

*

 

He goes the next day, too, but this time he’s overconfident that he’ll be alone and at peace.

And there he is.

 _I’m beginning to think that you’re just waiting for me_ , Isak wants to say, but doesn’t. It’d be too much like friendliness, and neither of them can afford that.

Even speaks first anyway, just like Isak knew he would.

“Found one of your traps on our side of the river,” he says, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the river, but Isak somehow manages to continue as if he hadn’t heard anything - perhaps his shoulders stiffen a little, but that’s it.

“Don’t you want it back?” Even continues, hesitating a little now. “I mean, it looked like a pretty good one. successful, too, but you’re a bit late on actually checking it, so…”

Isak concentrates on his breaths, in and out, gritting his teeth to stop himself from replying.

“I won’t stop you from getting it,” Even still insists on continuing, thankfully sticking to his half of the river still, but looking with every word as though he wants to try and get closer. “I don’t know how to take it apart without breaking it or I’d bring it to you.”

Isak remembers the trap. It was a good one, too, and before the deal they made it was the one Isak always knew he would find something in, even if all the other traps remained empty.

But Even’s words are a trap too, surely. How can he trust him? Even if it does seem like Even has forgiven him for everything, why would he let him break the deal for something so small as collecting a trap?

But then, why wouldn’t he? It’s obvious that Even is still too naive for the new world that they’ve all found themselves in. Still wants to make friends, be nice to Isak.

He’s going to get hurt. Not that Isak cares, because he doesn’t. And if Isak doesn’t care, it means he should really take advantage of this naivety while he can, and cross the river to get back his trap.

“Don’t you think the rest of your camp would have something to say about me crossing the river?”

“None of them are around,” Even says. “Yousef always stays close to camp and Adam isn’t hunting today. No one else leaves camp except for market.”

Isak takes in a deep breath, and nods sharply. “Fine. Give me your knife and I’ll trust you.”

“Don’t you think if I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already?”

It’s a good point, but Isak doesn’t want to concede to it.

“You think too highly of yourself. You missed me the first time we met.”

“You think I was aiming to hit you?” Even asks with raised eyebrows.

“You seemed upset enough about us being there,” shrugs Isak, smiling teasingly and starting to stand. “Fine, keep your knife.”

He stands hesitantly, watching Even carefully for a sign that he’s bluffing but all that he sees is a smile - wavering slightly, but a genuine, friendly smile. Isak wants to shake him and tell him not to be so foolish, but then, he should probably do the same to himself as he steps forward onto the rocks that make a pathway across the river.

And he takes another step, and another, and before he knows it he’s on the same rock as Even, and they’re level, face to face, in no man’s land. Anything could happen.

But nothing does. There’s silence for a moment, and then Even shrugs, gesturing towards his side of the river.

“Go ahead,” he says. “I promise, no one’s around, you won’t be bothered.”

Isak narrows his eyes. “You aren’t gonna stay with me? You seriously think that I’ll cross to your side of the river without you with me?”

Even seems confused. “Why not?”

“What if someone else from your camp decides they’re going to come to the river for whatever reason, and they see me on your side? They aren’t gonna let me explain, Even, I am breaking the treaty. I will be killed. Unless you’re with me.”

“I told you no one is around, though.”

Isak tips his head back to look at the sky in frustration. “Keep the trap,” he says, moving to step back to the right side of the river.

“No, wait-”

It’s the most alien thing in the world when Even’s hand lands on his arm. Isak’s whole body tenses, freezes, and his words stick in his throat.

“Wh- what are you-” he swallows. “Get off me.”

Even lets go immediately. “I’ll come with you,” he says. “Please, I promise I’m not trying to trick you.”

Isak still takes a step back, but sighs. “Okay. Let’s go.”

It hasn’t even been two weeks since he last crossed the river, but the forest on that side seems unfamiliar already, the trees taller, the air thicker. As if the whole place is waiting to attack him.

Isak takes a deep breath, and steps onto the bank of the river, and his footfall is louder on this side, too.

He doesn’t even need the trap back. It’s not like it will work on anywhere else, since it’s set in the hollow of a tree. He should turn back. He’s going to turn back.

“Have you forgotten where it is?”

Isak scoffs. “Course not. Just realised I don’t-” he sighs. “Never mind. Let’s go.”

His steps are more determined now, faster, to get it over with as fast as he can, and Even follows behind him, giving Isak the sense that he wants to fall in step with him, which Isak won’t allow.

It’s only a short walk to the hollow tree, and they spend it in merciful silence which is only broken when they arrive.Isak crouches down to see inside the trap, and Even shuffles his feet behind him.

With a sigh, Isak turns to Even. “Come here.”

Even steps forward and crouches down with no hesitation, although Isak can see his confusion.

“I’m gonna show you how to use it,” Isak says. “There’s no point in me taking it back. I’m pretty sure this is the only decent hollow tree in the forest.”

The only one that could be used as a trap at least. When Isak had first found it and designed this trap, he had been so excited, and he was right to be. It’s the best trap he’s ever made, but it’s on the wrong side of the river. No point in wasting it.

“Are you sure?” Even asks, and Isak knows without looking that he’s staring at him. He glances over and finds he was correct, but he can’t stand to return the stare. Something about it, the intensity of it, is impossible to keep looking at. Like staring at the sun.

Isak just shrugs, then lifts the front of the trap. “See this spring here?” he says, and Even nods.

Isak launches into an explanation of the trap, showing Even the various components, and pushing away every thought that’s something close to wondering why on Earth he didn’t just take the materials back to construct another trap. Maybe it wouldn’t be as good, but it’d be one more trap than he’s already got - one more meal on the table. God knows his camp needs that.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” Even says. “Do you want me to, I don’t know, bring you what it catches?”

Isak finds himself shaking his head before he can consider it.

“Just don’t tell anyone,” Isak says. Then, “and stop trying to talk to me at the river. We can’t- I mean, just don’t, okay?”

For a split second, Even’s face falls, and Isak almost wants to take it back, but before he can, Even just gives a guilty smile, and shrugs. “Sorry,” he says. “You looked like you could use a friend.”

“I - I don’t - what does that even mean?”

Even shrugs. “You flirted first,” he teases, eyebrows flicking up in a challenge.

“Bye, Even,” Isak hastily stands and turns to leave, trying to pretend that nothing had happened. The truth is that with Sana by his side, with a _friend_ by his side, he had felt brave enough to do that, to know there would be no real consequences. Now when he sees Even he’s all alone, and his emotions are more real, his thoughts louder. He’s guilty and ashamed of what he’s done by the river, and he’s strangely drawn to Even. The combination is deadly.

“No, wait, Isak!” Even follows him, and Isak stops in his tracks.

“What?” he spits, letting anger mask his discomfort.

“I said I wouldn’t leave you alone on this side of the river,” Even says  “And I meant it. As soon as you’re back, I’ll stop.”

 

*

 

“Isak!” Chris calls across the camp later that evening. “It’s your turn to come to the market tomorrow!”

“What?” Isak groans. “I swear you’re making that up.”

“Nope. It’s your turn.”

“Are you sure it’s not Eva’s turn and she just doesn’t want to see Other Chris?”

“I went last week, dickhead,” Eva comes round from behind Noora’s tent to frown at him. “Just suck it up and go.”

Isak sighs dramatically.

“Hey, it’s not that bad,” Chris says. “You get the pleasure of my company for three hours. And by the way, you’re not the one that has to go every single time.”

“Yeah, but you at least enjoy it.”

“Aw, is the little baby afraid of a bit of social interaction?” Eva coos.

“Shut up, Eva. I’ll tell Other Chris that you miss him.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Isak winks at her, and she sticks her middle finger up at him.

It’s not that he hates social interaction. It’s not that the market takes him into the village, which he wishes he never had to go near - because, well, he’s not the only person who thinks that.

It’s just that somehow Magnusson’s people know about Sara - he had heard Chris mention it to Eva last week - and Isak doesn’t know what might come of it if he actually shows his face at the market.

But, since he’s not generally one to ask for help or in any way show weakness, he does as Eva says - to “suck it up and go.”

 

*

 

Chris is waiting for him on the bench next to the fire pit, two bags full of the fabric cloths that she and Vilde spend the evenings embroidering to sell at the market. She grins at him as he approaches, and holds out one of the bags to him.

“Today’s gonna be fun, right, Issy?” She’s the only person allowed to call him that, and he doesn’t like it at all, but he has no time to do anything but roll his eyes before she continues. “I mean, we have the pleasure of each other’s company for four hours! My fourteen year old self's heart is jumping at the thought.”

It’s no secret that Chris used to have a crush on him. She brings it up at every available opportunity, and secretly, Isak thinks she might be a little upset that he turned out to be gay. She’s fun, though, a good friend. There’s a reason that she has the job of going to market every week - she’s the only one who can keep whoever joins her’s spirits up.

They stay quiet on the walk, Isak lost in thought as they reach the river. It’s further to the south than where he saw Even yesterday, but still the memory lingers, the confusion of it coming back to him. He doesn’t know what he was thinking, giving the trap, and all of its resources, away to Even - and yet he doesn’t regret it. He’s just...confused.

He reaches no conclusions by the end of their journey, but as they approach the tall metal fences of the village, his train of thought diverts there.

They join a line of people waiting to enter the gates, and Chris turns to him.

“Hands in pockets,” She says. “Hold on tight to your bag-”

“I know, Chris,” Isak replies. “Knife hidden. Gotcha.”

“Good job, Issy,” She grins and pinches his cheek, and he pushes her away, smiling in spite of herself.

In front of them, there’s a commotion, as one man tries to leave the village.

“No, let me out!” He’s protesting. “I have to see my family, I have money if you’ll just let me-“

“You know the rules,” says one of the guards. “If you can’t pay off your debt, you work for Magnusson until you have.”

(You work for Magnusson forever. There’s no coming back when they get you.)

Isak can’t watch them drag the man away. He looks down at his feet, then over at Chris, to see her face uncharacteristically solemn.

“You still have-“ Isak starts, but Chris cuts him off.

“What do you think I am, Isak?” she snaps. “We aren’t getting trapped in there.”

She holds a hand over her chest, where Isak knows she keeps a hidden pouch of money around her neck.

“Sorry,” Isak mutters. “Just - making sure.”

Finally, a patient smile appears on Chris’s face. She reaches out a hand and claps it to his shoulder. “We’ll be fine, Issy.”

They reach the front of the line. Chris plasters on a fake smile, and greets the other Chris, who gives her a real one in return.

“Hey, it’s my favourite name buddy,” he says cheerfully, then looks to see who is with her. “...and Isak,” he says, disappointed. “No Eva today? Did she send a message or anything?”

“She’d like to kindly extend you a middle finger,” Chris says, raising hers at other Chris. Isak holds his breath for a moment, eyes on the rifle slung across other Chris’s shoulder, but other Chris just laughs. “And she says that while your interest in her is flattering, she still has no plans to break up with her girlfriend. Don’t say anything gross. Can we go in?”

Other Chris opens the gate. “Be my guest. Say hi to her for me when you get back.”

Isak waits until they’re safely inside, hidden in bustling crowds of people, before he talks.

“How does _that_ get us in here for free?” he says, disbelieving.

Back at the gate, other Chris demands 100kr from the next person.

Chris smirks. “He’s a dickhead who thinks Eva is playing hard to get.”

Isak lets his look of disgust speak for him, and Chris nods.

“Anyway,” she says. “We have work to do. Go and find a table.”

“You go and find a table.”

“Really?” Chris replies, unimpressed.

It doesn’t take them long to set up once they have one. Chris spreads out the cloths that she and Vilde have made, and Isak places down the trapping equipment that he’s made too much of, sticks turned into spears and twine tied into snares. He’s always reluctant to sell any of it, but they need the money before Isak needs to keep his trade secrets.

Isak’s eye is caught by one of Magnusson’s guards staring at him from across the market, even through the masses of people. It could be nothing, but the look on the guard’s face is - and what could happen if its - its nothing that he wants to think about.

“Isak,” Chris calls for his attention, and when he turns to her, she presses the list of what they need into his hand. “Go and buy stuff. I’ll man the table.”

Isak nods, eyes darting across the crowded market square to the man staring at him, and immediately as he leaves the table walks in the opposite direction, although he knows that if he wants to get everything on the list he will have to go towards him at some point.

When he looks back, though, to check if he’s still being stared at, the man has gone. And a second later, he reappears through the crowd.

It quickly becomes apparent that Isak is being followed.

They know about what happened with Sara, because the armed guards that visit their camp every so often demanded answers. There’s no laws out in the forest, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to try something.

But they aren’t. The market is full of people, full of witnesses. There’s nothing they can do against him here.

Although - it’s not like anyone would be able to stop them. It’s not like anyone would bother to, why waste their energy on a stranger?

Isak turns to a table selling seeds, and checks against his list which ones they need.

The man gets closer still, and Isak’s heart drops. He turns back to the table and tries to keep his voice level as he buys what he needs.

He's barely put it away in his bag, when the man appears next to him.

“Isak, right?” he asks, saccharine smile clashing with the rifle on his shoulder. “From Sana’s camp?”

Isak does nothing but stare back at him, fingers nervously toying with the hem of his shirt, under which his knife is hidden.

The man’s smile doesn’t fade, only grows wider. “Aren’t you Isak?” he prompts, but still Isak stays silent. “The murderer?”

Isak can do nothing but shake his head, breath coming heavier now.

“No, no, I’m not him - I’m not-”

“You’re not? Who are you, then?”

“I’m - I’m Adrian,” Isak lies, paying no mind to how believable he is. “Adrian Eksett.”

“Oh, yeah?” The man asks. “So-”

“Adrian?” A mercifully familiar voice comes from behind him - until he remembers why it’s familiar. “I was looking for you,” Even says, hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Come on, we have to go back now.”

Isak looks at him, and nods silently, unsure how to process any of this.

The man with the rifle narrows his eyes at them both. “Okay, Adrian,” he says eventually, leaning back. “Off you go. But if I find out you’ve lied…” he trails off, but the look in his eyes says it all.

Even pulls Isak away before he can lose his breath entirely.

“Where’s your table?” Even asks, when the man is lost through the crowd. “And, shit, are you okay?”

 _I can’t breathe,_ he wants to say.

“I’m fine,” he says. “My table’s over there,” he swallows, gesturing in the general direction of  where Chris is. “And, uh, thanks for your help.”

Even gives him a half smile, and they walk together in the direction that Isak had indicated. “Any time,” he says.

As they reach sight of the table, Chris waves at him, a slightly confused look on her face as she takes in Even, who turns to Isak.

“Stick with your friend for the rest of the day, okay?” he says.

Isak just gives a single nod, before turning away towards her.

“And I’ll see you around,” Even says with a smile, before disappearing through the crowds.

 

*

 

_Murderer._

“Isak?” Eva is sitting with him beside the fire, facing him. She’s trying to get through to him, get him to talk, but his thoughts are too loud. “Isak, can you tell me what happened?”

“He wouldn’t even tell me what happened,” says Chris. “He showed up ten minutes after I sent him to buy stuff and he didn’t say another word.”

He’s thankful that Chris doesn’t mention Even.

Eva looks at him with pity in her eyes, and stands, taking one of his hands and pulling him to his feet. “Come on,” she says. “We’ll go inside.”

He follows her wordlessly into their tent, and collapses on his bed, burying his face in the pillow. Eva sits behind him, stroking his hair. He doesn’t deserve it.

“You’re safe now,” she says, but he’s not. He’s not safe from his thoughts - he’s not safe from the facts, the reminder that he’s a murderer. “You don’t have to go back there, I’ll talk to Sana.”

He needed reminding, though. He was getting complacent. Starting to feel normal again when he doesn’t deserve that. He wants to tell Eva to leave him alone, but his voice doesn’t work.

Next thing he knows Jonas is there, pushing his way in like a hurricane. “What happened?” he demands. “Chris said there was a problem at market?”

Isak finds his voice again. “Nothing happened,” he croaks out. “I’m fine.”

“Isak-” Eva tries, but Isak cuts her off.

“I’m fine,” he repeats. “I just want to sleep.”

She sighs. “Come find me if you need anything, okay?” she says, although she must know he won’t. “Jonas, let’s just leave him for now.”

There’s merciful silence, and Isak shuts his eyes. He doesn’t sleep, but then, he knew he wouldn’t. He just lies there, and lets the word spin around and around in his head.

 _Murderer._ He deserves the way it makes him feel. Like he’s going to throw up, like he wants to put his knife inside his own chest, if he wasn’t too much of a coward.

 

*

 

When dawn breaks, Sana finds him in the tree at the edge of camp, having extracted himself from Eva's comforting, threatening hold at the first sign of light outside.

Sana's not usually one to climb up to the branch where he sits, instead she waits for him to come down - but this time, she joins him, without waiting for permission. Isak doesn't know what he would have said if she'd asked.

Her first words are gentle, and Isak hates it. He hates anything that makes Sana go from her usual brash self to a quiet, sympathetic type, mostly because when it's directed at him, it's because he's fucked up, and no one wants to give it to him straight.

“You alright?” she asks, and Isak just glares at her. It's the quickest way to revert her back to her normal self, and sure enough, she rolls her eyes. “Fine. Be fucking childish about this.”

“Thanks,” Isak says. “I will be.”

“What happened yesterday?” She says, almost demanding, but still with that frustrating hint of gentleness.

He ignores it, though, and tells the story as briefly as he can, omitting as many details as he can. No, the man with the rifle didn't call him anything that made him sick to his stomach. No, he doesn't know who the guy that saved him was. No, he didn't forget how to breathe.

Sana listens calmly, and when he's finished, simply tells him “it's not safe for you to go back to market.”

Isak shrugs. “Okay.”

“And if you need to stay back at camp for a while-” she cuts off and rolls her eyes when Isak again glares at her. “God, you're predictable.”

“Are we done?”

“Rude, too.”

“Sana-”

“I'll let it slide today, Isak. But you don't want to keep being a dick to me, okay?”

He wants to say _whatever_ , but Sanas words have taken most of the effect out of talking back to her. Instead, he simply nods, and she jumps down from the tree.

It's only when she's turned away from him, almost past hearing distance, that Isak can bring himself to say what he really should have been saying all along.

“Thanks, Sanasol,” he mutters.

Sana stops in her tracks, but doesn't turn around.

“You're welcome, Isabell,” she says, and Isak can hear the hint of a smile in her voice.

 

*

 

“So - does the no talking rule still apply after I saved you?”

Isak shuts his eyes and sighs. He knew it was coming sooner or later - hoped that it wasn’t, but knew that it was.

He really hadn’t noticed Even across the river this time, although he’s impossible to ignore when he jumps out of his tree and lands lightly on the ground.

“I already said thank you,” Isak sighs. “What more do you want?”

“For you to admit that you could use a friend.”

“I have friends.”

“Can’t hurt to have another,” Even replies.

Isak doesn’t know how to make sense of Even. “You really don’t know how the world works at the moment, do you?”

“I know exactly how it works, Isak. Has it occurred to you that our fighting over resources is exactly what Magnusson wants?”

Actually, it has. Isak has lost track of how many times Jonas has discussed it with him - at him.

“Isn’t it tempting to engage in this small act of rebellion?”

“I’m not crossing the river a second time for you, Even.”

Even gives a wicked smile. “Technically the branches of this tree are over the river. Which means it’s no man's land.”

He gives Isak no chance to respond to him, simply turns and climbs back up the tree, and sits in the branches, grinning.

Isak wants to tell him he hasn’t won, that there’s no way in hell that he’s climbing that tree - but his body moves without him telling it too.

“You haven’t won,” he still says when he’s level with Even.

“That’s exactly what I’ve done, Isak.”

He can’t find a good reply to this. He sits, opening and closing his mouth without saying anything at all.

“We’re not friends,” he settles on finally, and Even just grins.

“Yet.”

Isak shakes his head. “Listen, I know it's been a while since I've made any new friends but I do know that you don't make friends just by announcing that you're going to be friends. I feel like a fucking three year old.”

Even keeps smiling, and looking at Isak as if he's expecting more, until he just realise that he won't get that. “How did you make friends with people then, when it was on your agenda?”

Isak shrugs. “I don't know, smoked with them, usually.”

Even raises an eyebrow. “And you want to do that again?”

“Fuck no,” Isak shudders. “The herbal shit Jonas grows now is just - no.”

Even tips his head back and sighs. “Fuck, I miss weed.”

The corners of Isak’s lips twitch. “Yeah, me too.”

Even looks over at him, and gives a dramatic gasp. “Is that a smile?”

Isak immediately frowns. “Don't flatter yourself.”

Even has a look on his face as if he knows exactly what Isak is thinking - but that's not possible, because Isak doesn't even know himself. Thankfully, Even quickly starts talking again, not changing the subject, but at least moving the conversation forward. “So tell me, then. If there's no weed, how do I convince you to befriend me?”

“You don't,” Isak says. “I have high standards.”

Even smirks. “And yet you're in my tree.”

“Your tree?” Isak questions. “Do you own it?”

“Yeah,” Even replies quickly. “It's mine. I should charge you rent.”

“I don't like it up here enough to pay you.”

“Hm,” says Even. “I don’t believe you.”

“You-”

Movement across the river catches Isak’s eye, and he’s immediately on guard. If someone from his camp sees him right now, with Even, he’s - he doesn’t know what would happen. He readies himself to jump from the tree, but Even’s hand on his arm stops him, sending yet another uncomfortable jolt through him.

“Shh,” he says quietly, and nods towards the source of the noise.

A red fox has emerged through the trees, ears twitching and twisting around as it darts forward to the edge of the river.

Isak watches for a few seconds, then glances over at Even to see him raise his bow and arrow. Up close, Isak can see how roughly made it is, how uneven the wood of the arrow is. Surely it can’t fly straight, and yet, when Even releases the bowstring with a frown, it finds its mark. The creature falls with a yelp.

“I hate doing that,” Even confesses quietly. “I should be a vegetarian.”

Isak laughs in spite of himself, but Even doesn’t comment on it. He smiles a little, and then nods towards the fox. “It’s on your side of the river,” he says. “You take it.”

 

*

 

“Why are you always by the river?” Isak asks, when he goes the next day to check the traps and notices Even lounging in the tree across the water.

“Animals need water,” shrugs Even. “It’s the easiest place to hunt.”

“Then how come I haven’t seen you before now?”

“I can hide, when I want to,” Even smiles. “You may not have seen me, but I’ve seen you.”

“Well, that’s fucking creepy,” Isak mutters. Even just laughs.

“Come over here,” he says. “I'll show you where I hide.”

If anyone was to ask, later, why exactly it is that Isak did as Even asked - there would be no good answer. Just the feeling that - maybe it _would_ be nice, after all, to have someone new to talk to. Someone who doesn't already know everything about him, or have their opinions on everything that he's done. Even just seems -

Kind. Naive. Dangerous.

All three, in a deadly combination. And Isak crosses the river.

  
  



	2. bow and arrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> looking at his hands, willing them not to shake

“What would you be doing if you were back home?” Even asks.

It's not completely out of the blue - Even talks about this stuff, sometimes. Isak knows he misses home, the city, their lives - well, who doesn't? But no one really talks about it like Even does. No one really wants to think about it out loud. It's a night time thought, Isak has decided. One that lies dormant in the day, but Even likes to wake it up.

Isak shrugs. “Sleeping. In a real fucking bed.”

“You'd sleep this late?” Even asks. “It's past midday.”

“Your point being?” Isak raises an eyebrow, and Even laughs.

“Ok, fine. So you're a night owl.”

“And you're a weird fucking morning person,” Isak replies, making Even laugh harder. “I bet you wake up just to watch the sunrise.” Even presses his lips together in a guilty smile. “Are you serious?” Isak asks. “That's so fucking cliche, jesus christ.”

“I used to draw it,” Even says, raising his eyebrows as if daring Isak to challenge him.

“Holy fuck,” Isak groans. “I'm friends with a complete fucking loser.”

Even’s grin widens to an impossible level, “You finally admitted that we’re friends,” he grins. “And it only took you three weeks.”

“The worst three weeks of my entire life,” Isak tells him.

In fact, they've been closer to the best. At least, as far as life after the city was destroyed goes. He's finally felt comfortable. Safe. Excited, to spend time with someone who doesn't know the ins and outs of everything he's done in excruciating detail. It's felt like he finally gets the chance to show who he is now, by himself, without all the extra weights he carries.

Even smiles at him like he knows all of this.

“So,” he says, changing the subject. “Want another archery lesson?”

Even’s been teaching him, in the past few weeks, in the snatched hours that they spend together on Even’s side of the river. It started with Isak commenting on how Even made the arrows, just picking well sized twigs from the forest floor and sharpening them to a point. Isak had said something about the lack of accuracy, and Even had given him a demonstration, and taught him how to make them.

The only thing Isak isn’t good at is firing them. In fact, he’s better than Even is at making the arrows, always thinking of things that could be added or changed to improve their accuracy - in fact, arrows get their own page in his notebook. He has yet to show it to Even, and yet to explain to himself why he hasn’t done this before, when arrows aren’t just Even’s thing - Eva uses them. Ingrid and Sara used to use them.

“Sure,” Isak shrugs, pushing the thoughts away. “You’ll regret this when I’m better than you.”

“I will,” Even agrees, as though he doesn’t know it’s a joke. “But it’s fun to teach you.”

He holds out the bow and an arrow to Isak, who takes it, notching the arrow exactly as Even showed him. Even reaches for his hand, then pulls back.

“I can’t actually fault you on your technique,” he smiles. “You just need to practice. Try -” he looks around for a moment, looking for a target. “Try hitting the tree stump over on your side of the river.”

There’s always an uncomfortable tug in his stomach when Even says something about _your side_ or _my side_. A bitter reminder that he’s not meant to be doing this, that he’s not meant to even be interacting with Even. But with every passing day it gets harder to remember why that is, why should he be restricting this - friendship, thing, whatever it is, when it’s nearly the only thing that makes him feel human.

He ignores the tug, and takes aim. The arrow lands somewhere in the river.

“Fuck,” he mutters.

Still, Even smiles at him kindly. It makes him want to roll his eyes, turn away, run away, even now, after three weeks, when he’s used to the kindness. Isak passes back the bow, and huffs.

When Even takes the bow, though - he takes Isak’s hand, too. Every cell in Isak’s body tenses up, but Even just laughs, stroking along the rough skin of Isak’s fingers.

“I think I know what the problem is,” he says, squeezing tight for a moment, before letting go entirely, letting Isak pull his hand back close into himself. “Your hands shake too much.”

Isak tries not to let on how affected he is by the contact with Even’s hands, and just shrugs, instead. “That’s why I make traps,” he says. “Guess I’ll stick to it.”

Even raises the bow himself, and lands an arrow perfectly in the centre of the tree stump. Isak lets himself appreciate how Even’s arms move, and the look of concentration on his face, before he turns back to Isak with a grin, and Isak has to scowl, and mutter “show off.”

Neither of them speaks for a moment - Isak caught up in looking at his hands, willing them not to shake, and Even - well, Even just sits. Isak doesn’t look at him, can’t see where his eyes are directed, but he knows exactly where they are anyway - burning into Isak.

“I’m going to market tomorrow,” Even says eventually. “So I won’t be here.”

“Okay,” Isak tries not to give anything away with his response, any slight disappointment he feels. “Good. I have things to do, you know. Traps I need to check. I can’t spend all my time making sure you don’t get lonely.”

Even laughs quietly. “But I need you, Isak,” he says, faking a sad look. “It’s so quiet when there’s no one with me.”

Isak shrugs, feigning apathy. “You’ll survive,” he says, unable to hide his smile when he finishes. Even returns it, but quickly becomes serious again.

“Last time I went to market, a couple of weeks ago, that guard asked me about you.”

Isak feels his whole body tense up for the second time today. “What did you - tell him?” he asks. Even reaches out to him, hand finding Isak’s arm, giving him a comforting presence, a pressure, a hold to calm him, and to make everything worse, and better, and easier and harder.

“Hey,” Even’s voice is quiet in the forest, but loud in Isak’s ears. “I didn’t tell him shit, Isak. You’re safe. Okay?” Isak knows Even wants him to look up, to meet his eye, but he can’t, so Even continues talking. “You don’t have to go back to market, you told me that, remember?” Isak nods, eyes shut tight. “You’re okay,” Even says, moving his hand a little, soothing Isak by rubbing little circles with his thumb. “You’re okay.”

Isak wipes a frustrated hand over his face, shrugging out of Even’s grip. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“Do you think he’ll come out to our camps?”

Even shakes his head. “He’s a fucking coward.”

“How do you know that?”

“You can just tell,” Even replies quickly, lightening the mood. “He’s just got that look about him, you know? Like if he wasn’t surrounded by fifty people, you could knock him out with a feather or some shit.”

Isak tries to laugh. “Thanks,” he says, still trying to recover some of his lost dignity. “I, uh, I better go back now.”

Even nods. “Yeah, me too. See you soon?”

“Maybe,” Isak says as he jumps down.

The _yes_ is implied.

 

*

 

He crosses the stream when he’s back at camp, to visit the farm. He doesn’t usually spend any time over there at all, but he has the urge to talk to Jonas for some reason. Maybe to reassure his own brain that he’s not replacing his best friend.

He flops down onto the little bench next to where Jonas is digging up plants.

“Hey man,” Jonas says, barely looking up. “Haven’t seen you over here in a while.”

“Hi,” Isak replies, but ignores the second comment. “How’s it going?”

“Good. I’m getting fucking brilliant at gardening.”

“About fucking time, you’ve been doing it for two years.”

“And yet, you’ve been trapping for two years and you’re mediocre at best.”

“Dick,” Isak mutters, laughing lightly.

Jonas grins along, then nods at him. “So what’s up? What brings you over here?”

Isak shrugs. “Just bored,” he says.

Jonas raises an eyebrow at him, and he shrugs again. Jonas sighs. “You’ve been acting different lately,” he tells Isak. “Not in a bad way. You seem happier.”

And there it is. The reminder that he shouldn’t be. He doesn’t deserve to be. He knew that. Even forced him to forget it, but he knew, all along. He needed to come and see Jonas because he needed reminding.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, lost to the guilt. “I, uh-”

“I'm glad,” Jonas says, then starts to tease. “Puts a real damper on the place, you know, with you moping around all the time.”

“I…” Isak doesn't know how to answer him, but Jonas just gives him an encouraging smile.

“You can let yourself be happy, you know? We all have to get past it somehow.”

Isak opens his mouth to say _but none of this was your fault_ , then quickly shuts it again. The truth is, he doesn't know what feelings to let into his brain anymore. It was easier before he started thinking about it.

It was easier on the other side of the river, with a distraction.

He leaves Jonas to his plants a little while later, trudging back across the little stream to the camp, where Eva and Vilde are sitting now, by the fire, Eva’s head in Vildes lap, letting her weave little flowers into her hair. Isak doesn't want to interrupt, but the moment they notice him they beckon him over to sit.

He goes reluctantly, and sits a few feet away on the bench across the firepit. It's difficult to watch them, so at peace with themselves and each other, when Isak’s mind is tumbling around more than ever.

“What’s up?” he says as he sits.

Eva looks over at him and smiles. “Didn’t want you going inside to sit all by yourself. Hang out with us instead.”

“I'm not interrupting?” Trick question. He knows he is.

Vilde smiles at him. “Of course not,” she says sweetly. “I can put flowers in your hair too, if you like.”

It takes a while for Isak to realise that she's joking, by which time Eva has burst into giggles.

“Come over here,” Eva says when she regained her composure. Isak sighs and moves closer, joins them on their bench.

“I don't-”

“Shh,” Eva says. “Just sit with us.”

They don't talk, and Isak hates it.

 

*

 

Isak doesn't want to admit it, but the next day drags like nothing he’s ever experienced. He checks his traps, makes some new ones, and then - does nothing but wait around.

Before Even, his days were filled with being stuck in his own head, and he doesn’t want to go back there.

Mid-afternoon finds him by the fire, notebook in hand, working on fixing Even’s arrows. He has two of them with him, the two that Even had fired across the river yesterday, and sure, they work. But Isak could make them better.

People come and go, and Isak snaps his book shut every time as if there’s nothing to see. Vilde comes and sits beside him for a while, confesses her exhaustion to him, talks about how her hands keep cramping up whenever she tries to make anything new, but people are relying on her to fix holes, to make clothes, to make things to sell at market.

Isak comforts her for a while.

“You’re doing your best,” he says. “It’s all any of us can do.”

He might be starting to believe it himself, but he’s not sure yet.

Vilde leaves after a while, and later, Chris and Noora return from market. Noora slumps down onto the bench next to him without speaking, while Chris takes the food to Mahdi, who comes out of the food tent when he hears them arrive. Chris hands him the bag, muttering something that Isak can’t hear from across the camp, but he hears Mahdi’s response.

“Chris, this isn't enough,” Mahdi says. “I told you I need more than this, there are 12 of us.”

Isak never really sees Chris stressed, but he sees it now. It's jarring, and it worries him more than it would worry him to see anyone else stressed. Chris is just usually so calm.

“It's all we could afford, Mahdi,” she explains. “I prioritised the essentials. but the prices are just - they're going mad. We're going to have to make more stuff to sell, and charge more.”

Isak goes to check his traps again in some vain hope that there’ll be more food.

 

*

 

“Miss me?” Even teases when he finds Isak waiting by the river the next day.

 _Yes_. “No.”

Missed the distraction, perhaps. Missed having someone who doesn't leave silence as it is, to twist and morph in Isaks mind, or someone who tries to get him to work through what he feels.

Okay, so yes. He missed Even. It was only one day, though.

He puts one foot onto the first flat rock to cross the river, and looks over at Even. “Can I?”

Even nods. “Of course. I've missed you too,” he says, and Isak rolls his eyes.

“Get your hearing checked,” he says as he crosses over.

He hears Even chuckle, and move further into the trees, away from the river. Isak follows a few paces, and stops when Even vanishes.

“God, which way did you go this time?” he grumbles. “I can't keep up with you.”

“Behind you,” Even says, smile audible, and when Isak turns, he's in the tree, grinning.

Isak scrambles to join him, and sits in the branches beside him.

They can still hear the river from here, still see part of it through the trees, but it's far enough that the forest seems quiet here. It's - actually, further in than Isaks been since he gave Even the trap.

“How was market?” he asks, trying not to think about what it could mean.

Even nods. “Yeah, good. Same as always. Saw a couple of people from your camp.”

Isak nods, and cuts himself off from telling Even who before he can start. If Chris and Noora were ever to find out that Isak gave their names to Even, he'd -

If they found out any part of this thing with Even, he'd be screwed.

“Hey,” Isak speaks to switch his mind off. “I got you those arrows back, since you’re so keen on throwing them over to the - where you can’t get them.”

He holds them out to Even, who takes them with a grateful smile, and a “thanks.” A second later, he speaks again. “Just so you know the correct term is ‘fire,’ not throw,” he teases, and Isak rolls his eyes.

“Thanks, I had no idea.”

Even laughs, and pushes his shoulder affectionately into Isak’s.

The conversation dissolves into the easiness he knows with Even, and before he realises it, nearly an hour has passed. Isak wants to stay longer, but he knows he shouldn’t, and he jumps down from the tree begrudgingly, turning back to smile softly at Even before he walks over to the river.

He’s barely ten metres into the trees on his own side of the river before he’s being slammed against a tree, and in the few seconds it takes him to process, Eva has already hissed “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Uh, what?” he squeaks. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, Isak,” Eva sighs, relaxing her hold on him but still glaring at him. “I saw you across the river.”

“I- uh- I-” he can’t exactly deny it. But he doesn’t know what to say about it, either. “Thought I saw something?”

Eva gives him a withering look, and he knows he's lost. Looking down, he mumbles his next sentence.

“Even let me go over.”

“Who's Even?” Eva asks sharply. “Is he from the other camp?”

Isak nods, still without meeting Eva's gaze.

“Jesus,” Eva sighs, bringing a hand to her face in a frustrated gesture. “And why would you think that's a good idea?”

“I - he - we-” Isak huffs. “I don't know. It's just nice.”

“It's just nice,” Eva repeats, as if she can't quite believe what she's hearing. “ _nice?_ Putting yourself in danger - putting the whole camp in danger - is _nice?”_

“Not like that - I’m not putting the whole camp in danger,” Isak protests, but it sounds weak to his own ears.

“You’re breaking the treaty,” Eva says. “It reflects on all of us.”

“But it - Even wouldn’t-”

“Who is Even, anyway?”

“He’s, uh,” Isak doesn’t know how to answer.

“A friend?” she prompts, then her voice turns softer as she continues. “More than?”

“What - no!” Isak splutters. “Just a friend.”

Eva sighs, taking yet another step back. “Does Jonas know?”

Isak shakes his head, looking down. “I wasn’t gonna tell anyone.”

“Don’t you think that says something about whether you should be doing this?” she asks. “And how long did you think you’d get away with it?”

“I don’t know - I don’t know, okay? I just - needed a distraction.”

It’s more honest than Isak’s been with anyone in a long time, and from the look on Eva’s face, she realises it too.

“Is it working?” She clearly knows the answer already.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” she says, all traces of anger now vanished. “Good. I’m - glad.”

 

*

 

“Eva knows about you,” Isak confesses in a rare quiet moment between them. Even looks at him, eyebrows flicking up.

“About me?”

“As in, that I cross the river, sometimes, and that we're, like, friends?”

Even still smiles at the word _friends_ , however uncertain Isak knows he sounds as he says it.

“Is that bad?” Even asks, as though he really doesn't know that it is - actually, Isak doesn't either. But Even should think it is, shouldn't he? Eva could - could ruin everything, she could tell Sana, she could -

They could all find out, and then the treaty is over, and maybe they’d even kill Isak for crossing the river. Maybe Even doesn’t realise that, or maybe he, kind of rightly, doesn’t really care.

Sometimes, it’s a comfort to think that people don’t care about him. To think that the world will go on, with or without him, to think that he doesn’t, all in all, have that much of an effect on the world.

Maybe he’s just being selfish, but he wants Even to care about him.

A hand on his arm brings him back to the present, and he looks up to see Even’s patient smile. He forgets not to relax at the touch.

“You’re spiralling again,” Even says. “I can hear your thoughts from here.”

Isak scoffs, replacing his mask. “Hear my thoughts? You fucking wish.”

“Okay, not your exact thoughts. But I can hear you thinking.”

“Whatever.”

Even gives him a few seconds to scowl, and he uses the seconds to look at Even’s smile.

“So what did she say?”

Isak didn’t get that far when he imagined yesterday how this conversation would go. He didn’t work out what to tell Even. He could say that Eva noticed how much happier he’s been recently, but wouldn’t that feel a little charged? Wouldn’t that feel a little dangerous?

He finds himself regretting his early confidence when he first met Even. He never expected it to mean anything when he told Even he was hot.

And it - it doesn’t, does it? It can’t.

“She just told me I was an idiot,” he says in the end. “But she won’t, like, say anything.”

Even nods, and Isak starts to understand how Even could tell he was spiralling, because there’s a look on Even’s face, and Isak knows there’s an outrageous suggestion waiting to be spoken aloud.

“What is it?” he asks, before Even can even open his mouth.

He gets a grin in response. “Do you think she’d cover for you if you disappeared for a day?”

“No one would notice if I disappeared for a day.” It’s possible that he answers too quickly, especially without knowing what Even is planning, but it’s true, anyway. It’s rare that he’s in the camp after the sun rises, and he frequently stays out until late in the evening. “But, uh, yeah, I guess,” he says to try and mask whatever it was he just revealed with his quick answer. “Why?”

“Come to the city with me.”

It's not phrased as a question, but it suits Even not to ask.

But it's also a fucking confusing request.

“Huh?” Isak asks. “What city?”

“Our city,” Even says, as if it's obvious - or, well, yes, it _is_ obvious, there are no other cities anywhere near them, but-

“But it's - gone, isn't it? It got destroyed.”

He's doubting himself, for some reason. As if he wasn't there when it happened. As if he didn't see his home crumble into ash and rubble and have no choice but to grab what he needed and run.

“It's - well, it's not a city anymore,” Even says. “But you'd be surprised what you can find under it all.”

“You've been?”

“Couple of times, yeah. Most people think it’s not safe. It’s pretty deserted most times, and everything that survived the bombs is just - there to be taken, so…”

“So you’re willing to take me so that I can steal all of the resources from your camp?”

“I’m taking you so we can fight over them. It gets boring going with no one to fight. I know I’d win, so...”

“You’re so full of shit.”

“So you’ll come?”

Isak shakes his head, but it's disbelief, not refusal. “How the fuck would we even get there?”

 

*

 

“It won't be there,” Isak says. “There's no way that no one would find it. People are fucking desperate.”

“I'm very good at hiding things, Isak.”

“But a _bike?_ How would you put it somewhere no one will find it?”

“You’ll see. Ten more minutes.”

Despite his complaints, Isak continues to follow. They’ve been walking for nearly half an hour now, from where they met at the river at first light, to where they are now, a mile south of Even’s camp, and half a mile from the village, and from where Isak knows the road is. They’ve come most of the way in silence, with a comment here or there about what they’ll find in the city, or whether they’ll really get there.

Isak has refused to fall in step with Even for the whole way, always walking a couple of steps behind him, or away from him in some way. It just feels dangerous to walk with him - everything feels dangerous with Even. He’s getting better at moving past it, but he’s not there yet.

He can see the road, now, after those ten minutes pass. The trees are getting thinner, the air lighter. It’s quieter out here, with the village on the horizon, at the bottom of the mountains that source the river, and there’s not a soul save for him and Even for what feels like miles.

Isak takes his time, looking around, and Even moves around in the fallen leaves below the trees.

“Told you,” he says triumphantly, and when Isak turns around, he really does have a bike.

He can’t help the impressed “woah” that escapes from him, but hates Even’s responding grin, and the way it makes his stomach flip.

Even lifts the bike over the little fence at the side of the road, and Isak notices how untouched the road is. Unaffected by the ruin brought upon their city, but unused ever since - save for maybe Magnusson’s people.

“You coming?” Even asks, and Isak realises he’s been so lost in his thoughts that he hasn’t noticed Even climb on the bike, looking expectantly at him, waiting for him. Isak shrugs, and sighs, and moves forward to climb on the bike.

“I guess I am, yeah.”

It’s not a comfortable ride. Isak has never stayed on the back of someone’s bike for this long before, and he hasn’t been on one at all for two years. But they get there.

They get _home_ , and Isak barely recognises it.

He hears, in his mind, the explosions. The screams, the shouts, the insanity that followed the city falling to pieces.

He remembers his mum, going back inside to find his little sister Lea, telling him to run while she did, telling him she’d find him.

Maybe she knew that she wouldn’t. Maybe that’s why she told him to go on without her.

Even stops the bike not too far in, and in an unfamiliar area. Isak is grateful for that. He climbs off the bike and tries not to give anything away as he gazes up at the buildings, crumbled and broken, and overgrown with the plants taking back what was theirs all along.

“It was hard for me too,” says Even. “The first time I came back.”

Isak is usually good at hiding his feelings.

“It’s fine,” he says. “So - where do you usually go?”

Even pushes his bike down a side street, out of immediate view. “Just around. I don’t know. Magnusson’s lot have cleared the place pretty well, but they wouldn’t go into any of the dangerous looking buildings.”

“Maybe for a reason?” Isak suggests, but Even just laughs.

“They haven’t fallen down yet, and it’s been two years. Come on.”

Isak follows with little hesitation. They go further down the little side street, and Isak tries to ignore flashes of recognition from a time that he could have walked down this street and thought nothing of it.

It’s so quiet here. It’s too quiet, painfully quiet. But neither of them speak as they walk around.

Isak spirals into his memories, thinking about his old life, his family, his friends that didn’t make it out - at least, not as far as he’s seen them.

And he sees, through the window of one of the buildings, a room, empty save for some children’s toys, that must have been no use to anyone who came to look for what could be salvaged. But they remind him so strongly of Lea, of the toys she had, of the games she used to beg him to play with her, and suddenly he can’t move and he can’t breathe and he can’t think straight.

He expects Even to walk on, but he turns - he must sense something about Isak, because he looks at him with a kind smile, and pauses, waiting for him to catch up before he reaches an arm out to Isak's shoulder.

And Isak has given up resisting how much he likes Even's touch, so he relaxes into it, and lets Even pull him forward for a hug.

"You okay?" Even asks, still holding on.

Isak nods against his shoulder. "Always," he says. "Always fine, you know me." He laughs half heartedly.

"I know you," confirms Even. "And I know you're not fine."

Isak just holds on tighter, and doesn't respond. Even strokes his back with one hand, and his hair with the other, and Isak starts to tremble.

"Fuck," he mutters. "I am - I am fine."

"Okay," Even says. "You're okay."

They just stay, like that, in the silence, and Isak loses track of time. He loses track of being okay and not being okay. He doesn't lose track of Even.

But he calms, and when he breathes normally, Even pulls away, taking a step back.

"Come on," he says gently. "We should make this trip worthwhile."

He holds out his hand. Isak looks down, and blinks, then back up at Even. Then down again.

And he takes it. Who's going to stop him?

Even leads him further in, down streets that turn into alleys, overgrown with plants, almost, mercifully, unrecognisable. He turns into a narrow space between two buildings, and stops in front of what might have once been a door.

"Lets try in here," he says, and doesn't let go of Isak's hand as he pushes the door handle slightly. It gives immediately, half rotten, half broken, and Even walks inside, tugging on Isak's hand.

"I'll keep you safe," he says, so Isak follows.

 

*

 

They don’t find much, but there’s bits, here and there. A knife, and some other tools. A few cans of food that might still be edible. A pair of shoes that might fit someone. A chocolate bar, that’s out of date by a year, but sealed, and Even opens it, breaking it in half for them to share. It’s the sweetest thing Isak’s tasted in a long time.

The sun gets lower in the sky, and Even looks up and sighs. “We should get back.”

“Yeah.”

“But we’ll come back again?” He asks, this time.

“Yeah,” Isak smiles.

“Good.”

It is. It is good.

 

*

 

Things return to normal when he gets back. He doesn’t know how to explain the food he found in the city, so he slips them into the food tent when no one is looking.

Eva finds him, sitting on his bed.

“How was it?” she asks quietly, with an expression that could turn into a smile.

“Nice,” says Isak. “Yeah, good.”

“Find anything good?”

“Not a whole lot.”

He opens his bag, showing her the few tools he found.

She nods. “Not nothing.”

“Yeah.”

She sighs, sitting down beside him. “Are you going back?”

“I - we might. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

“Oh.”

After a moment of silence she speaks up as if it had been almost impossible not to say it. “Is it safe?”

“Huh?”

“Are you safe there? It's - I mean, aren't there people from the village, or buildings falling down everywhere?”

Isak half laughs. “No. It's been two years. Not much is left, so no one goes, and the buildings are stable enough that they don't really fall down anymore.”

“Okay.”

“Why do you ask?”

She gives him a look. “Because I'm worried about you, why else?”

“Oh.” It's one of those things he knew, but didn't let himself think about, because he didn’t deserve it. He’s starting to think maybe he does, maybe he could.

She smiles kindly at him, then stands. “You should tell Jonas about this, too. It’s not fair to keep it from your best friend.”

 

*

 

It becomes something of a routine. Most days are spent with Even, just hanging out, and some days, once a week, perhaps, they go to the city.

It becomes less about finding resources, and more about spending time with each other. They find new favourite places, new silent places, new places of tranquility to share with just each other. The city feels like home again.

"It wouldn't be so hard to rebuild it," Even says absent mindedly one day. "There are still solid foundations."

Isak hums. "But Magnusson is doing _so well_ out of the chaos. Why would he change a thing?"

"Well, yeah. There is that. But _something_ needs to change."

Isak grins. "You sound like Jonas. But we don't have any power to do anything. There are two of us."

"If we joined our camps together there'd be 18."

"Versus what? 500 in the village?"

"450 of which would stand with us."

"And the other 50 of which have rifles."

"You give up too easy."

"I'm just more bothered about surviving until tomorrow than changing anything. Most people are."

"That's the problem, though, isn't it? No one has the energy to fight back. We're all exactly where he wants us."

Isak is silent. "I don't wanna talk about it," he says. "We aren't gonna change shit.”

Even looks like he wants to argue, but in the end he doesn’t. "Okay. What do you want to talk about, then?"

"Nothing," Isak says. "I just - want to sit."

"I hate silence."

"I hate talking."

Even laughs, and takes Isak's hand, drawing patterns on his skin with his finger. "Okay. You can stay quiet. Can I draw on you?"

Isak raises an eyebrow, and Even shows him a pen from his bag. "I don't have any paper."

Isak shrugs. "Will it wash off?"

"Maybe."

"Okay."

He lets Even pull his sleeve up, and use his forearm as a sketchbook for who knows how long.

He doesn't mention the notebook in his bag that Even could borrow. He doesn't want to.

 

*

 

"What's that on your arm?" Jonas asks later, and Isak pulls his sleeves down around his hands in a hurry. He couldn't bring himself to wash off the pen when he reached the river, to erase all of Even's doodles, but he can't remember a good reason for it now that he's back at camp, where anyone could see. Thank god it's only Jonas.

"Oh, uh, I was distracted so I was doodling," Isak says weakly. "I was just going to wash it off."

Jonas waits for a moment before replying, looking at Isak as if he's waiting for him to continue, admit that he was lying. "Where've you been all day, anyway? Eva had some bullshit excuse about how you were setting a trap that’s further away than usual."

"Oh, I, uh - yeah, I was, or, no, I mean-"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Jonas says, interrupting gently, then smiling slyly. "If I can forgive you for stealing my weed when we were 16, I can forgive you for anything."

"I-" Isak starts, then sighs, half in defeat, half in irritation that Jonas has to bring that up. "Whatever."

"So...?"

Isak keeps his mouth shut for a few seconds, out of stubbornness. He will tell Jonas, he just would have preferred it to be on his own terms.

"You know the deal Sana made with the other camp?"

"The 'don't cross the river' deal?"

Isak nods. "I haven't exactly been - sticking to it."

Jonas raises an impressed eyebrow. "Didn't know you had it in you," he says. "But you know I'm here for any and all rule-breaking."

"Fuck off, you're not as rebellious as you think you are."

Jonas just grins. "So why exactly are you crossing the river?"

"I, uh - have a friend on the other side."

"Dramatic."

"Fuck _off_ ," Isak repeats. "Anyway, we've just been hanging out, and stuff. Eva said I should tell you. We, uh, went to the city today."

He needs to change the subject. This is too uncomfortable, so he reaches into his bag, and pulls out the few things he's brought back, some more cans of food, and two cans of beer.

"No way," says Jonas, effectively distracted. "Is this for real?"

Isak nods. "It’ll probably taste like absolute shit, but… Want one?"

 

*

 

Their next trip to the city starts off the same as always. They walk to the road, side by side, and Even lifts out his bike while Isak takes the time to once again appreciate the peace of the road, look out over the fields, towards the village and the river.

But there's something new, this time. a new building, a fenced off area around the river, just upstream of the village.

"Have you seen that before?" he asks Even, who looks up at where Isak's gesturing.

"Uh, no," Even says hesitantly. "Weird."

"Yeah," Isak says.

They ride in the opposite direction, and Isak puts it out of his mind in favour of enjoying the time with Even.

By the time they return, he’s almost - almost - forgotten about it. But still, the huge new structure is there, and even at this distance, it’s intimidating.

"What do you think they're doing?" Isak asks, regretting it instantly when Even looks at him with that twinkle in his eye.

"Let's go and see," he says, as he finishes hiding the bike, and hops back over the fence to the road.

"What - no!" Isak protests quickly. "We'll be seen, we can't."

Even turns back to him and raises an eyebrow. "What's life without a little risk?"

"Fucking - safer," Isak says, but Even ignores him.

"I'll keep you safe," he says. It's becoming a catchphrase for him now.

"Even!"

But it's no use. Even has set off through the field - the big, wide, empty field, with precious little to keep them hidden, save for the few trees around the edge.

It's a miracle that no one sees them and demands to know what they're doing, but all that's going through Isak's head is that they're getting closer and closer to the village, and he hasn't been in two months because there's a guard there that wants him dead more than anything, and god, if any of them see him, maybe they all recognise him, and they'll tell the guard, and he'll take Isak round the back of a building, and point his rifle at him, point blank range, and Isak won't see tomorrow.

"Even - please, can we go back?" he says urgently, but Even has stopped. They're close enough now to see what's happening, what's being built across the river beneath the huge structure.

"It's a dam," Even says, voice quiet with shock. "They're building a dam."

"Shit," Isak breathes.

Even turns to Isak. “You realise what they’re doing, don’t you?”

Isak shrugs. “Same thing they’ve been doing all along,” he says. “Making it impossible for us not to go and work for them in the village.”

“Yeah. By cutting off our water supply.”

Isak breathes deeply for a few seconds before he can speak again.

“Let’s go, Even, please. We’ll get caught.”

Isak pulls on his arm, and with only a little resistance, Even turns and starts to follow him back.

“We have to do something,” he says. “Say something. Warn people.”

“What the fuck would it do?”

“I don’t know, but shit, Isak, we’re - we’re all fucked if this goes ahead.”

They are, but Isak doesn’t know what they can do. He doesn’t have the energy to fight back.

 

*

 

Even doesn’t show up at the river the next day.

But it’s a market day. Chris and Linn have gone this week. Even must have forgotten to tell him that he was going too.

For the first time since the treaty, though, Isak crosses the river without him. He goes through the trees, climbing the ones that he usually sits in with Even, and softly calls out his name. It’s dangerous, yes - but something compels him to do it, some feeling of worry - maybe even dread.

He doesn’t think about it, even when it becomes obvious that Even is nowhere to be found.

All he can think to do is leave him a note, pinned to the tree he most associates with Even.

_Hey, I couldn't find you today. Hope you're okay. Hope you haven't done anything stupid. See you tomorrow_

He's never been good with words.

 

*

 

He returns to chaos back at camp.

“We need a camp meeting, now,” Chris is staying to Sana. “This could save our camp.”

Sana hesitates. It's not like her. “Okay, fine,” she concedes after a second. “Yeah. Camp meeting. Get everyone gathered inside, it looks like it'll rain.”

Isaks never been one to trust his gut, but it feels significantly unsettled for him to take notice now, swirling uncomfortably inside him as he sits beside Eva, and tries not to think about it.

“Okay,” Sana calls them to attention when they're all gathered. “Sorry for this short notice, but Chris got some news today at market, and we need to discuss it as a group. Chris?”

Chris moves to the front. “Yeah,” she says, clearing her throat. For all her confidence and liveliness, she's never been one for talking in front of crowds. “Uh, you all know the camp across the river, right? Or at least, yeah, it exists. Anyway, uh, one of them - uh, Even? He's - he pissed off Magnussons people somehow. They're offering 50,000kr to anyone who brings him to them. And, well, we uh, you all know we're running low on money, and it'll be winter soon so, uh, yeah.”

Isak doesn't want to be seen reacting to the news, but he can't help but freeze. The swirling in his gut gets exponentially faster, his breathing coming in short, shallow breaths. He feels both Jonas and Eva's eyes on him as he fixes his stare forward.

He should have seen it coming. He _did_ see it coming, in the determination on Evens face as they discovered what Magnusson was doing - but he did nothing about it. Anything that happens now - like always, it's on Isak.

Sana takes over speaking, and Isak barely listens.

“I don't want to say we should or shouldn't get him,” she says. “It's an option that we have, but the longer we wait, we'll have less of a say in the matter. Other camps know about it, and though I'm not sure they know where Even’s camp is like we do, they'll find it sooner or later. That's why we're meeting now.”

“Why do they want him?” says Noora. “What will they do to him?”

Sana looks at Chris, who shrugs.

“We don't know,” Sana says, but everything about how she says it suggests otherwise.

Isak wants to throw up.

“What did he do, anyway?” says Magnus. “Aside from piss them off? Is that all we know?”

“The - uh - the sign said he'd interfered with their efforts to rebuild the city.”

It's only because Isak doesn't know how to speak anymore that he doesn't cry bullshit on it.

“Why would he do that? You met him, right, Sana?”

“I didn't speak to him, though,” she says. “He's not the camp leader. But he -” she looks at Isak and pauses for a second, considering him. “He threatened Isak while we were there.”

All eyes in the room turn to him.

“What?” Eva exclaims. “How?”

Isak looks down quickly, and shrugs. “It wasn't a big deal.”

“He had a gun,” Sana says, drawing eyes back to her. “It wasn't to use it, exactly. Isak was speaking with Mikael, and Even didn't like it.” She frowns. “All I saw from him was him threatening violence.”

Eva's eyes - everyone's eyes - burn into him again.

Isak can't take it anymore. he has to get out of there. He has to leave.

It's started to rain since their meeting began, but he can't go back inside. He walks, because there’s nothing better to do, out in the rainy forest with his shirt starting to soak into his skin and the deafening sound blocking out everything, even his thoughts. He walks because he knows he’ll find Even out here, in their tree, under the slippery branches that are almost waterproof.

Or, he doesn’t _know_ he’ll find Even. But it’s the best shot he has at saving him.

The river is faster in this weather, crashing against rocks and tricking his feet into slipping into it more than once as he follows it downstream, but he stays going, and out of the corner of his eye, across the river, moving towards their tree, there he is, standing at the edge of the water, kicking rocks with his feet, and soaked to the skin, as if he's been out there for hours.

There’s no time for thought or worry before Isak crashes over the river and runs to him, pushing at his chest desperately.

“Even,” he breathes, “Even, Even-”

He can’t say anything else, all other words escaping him, explanation lost in his relief at finding Even first.

“What’s going on?” Even asks, lifting his arms so that his hands met Isak’s and push them away, holding them briefly as he does. Isak feels him tremble as he lets go. “Isak, why are they here?”

Isak’s heart drops at the question. He doesn’t want to turn around.

 _They_ . Why are _they_ here?

Through the drowning sound of rain and the pounding of thoughts trying to be heard, he hadn’t listened to the one that suggested he might be followed. The one that reminded him of the hurt on Eva’s face when Sana exposed how he really met Even. That she knows him well enough to know he was coming to warn him.

“Even,” is all Isak can whisper now, still without turning around, but the answer is on Evens face. “I - I didn’t - I’m-“

He wants to throw up, but he struggles through his next words.

“Just run. Please.”

Even doesn’t get far. There are arms around Isak before he finds out how close the others are behind him.

Sana’s voice sounds above the rain, commanding, but apologetic.

“Even, come with us.”

Isak battles to escape the arms around him, barely registering that it’s Jonas, barely remembering that he shouldn’t hurt his best friend. He struggles to escape, but Jonas keeps hold of him.

“Isak, there’s nothing you can do. It’s just - there’s nothing to do. I’m sorry.”

The truth in the words sinks in slowly. Isak gives in to the rain, and drowns.

  
  



	3. rifle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a gun in his hands again

The way back to camp is a blur. He doesn’t know how he gets out of his wet clothes, or whether he eats - probably not. All he knows is climbing into bed, and pulling the thin blanket as high as it will go, blocking out the world and falling asleep swallowed by guilt.

It’s his fault, again. A second person will die by his hand.

In his dreams, there’s a gun in his hands again, only this time it’s one of the rifles that Magnusson’s guards carry, and Even is kneeling, blindfolded, hands tied behind him.

And Isak raises the gun with no hesitation.

 

*

 

Isak wakes to hear Eva and Jonas’s hushed conversation.

“I did what I had to do, Jonas,” Eva is saying. “He knows I had to.”

The odd thing is, she’s sort of right. Isak doesn’t hold anything against her - though maybe that’s the exhaustion seeping into his bones and his heart and his brain and making it impossible to feel things properly. But really, after everything Eva has done for him, all the lies she’s told for him and the advice she’s given him and the times she’s held him to get him to sleep - she had to reach a breaking point eventually. It was never a good idea to be friends with someone from another camp, especially one so reckless. Isak could have betrayed his whole camp over this, just because he let himself be talked into caring.

Jonas is silent for a minute. Then, he speaks, and Isak doesn’t know how to process what he says.

“I’ve never seen Isak so happy, though. Or so - I don’t know.” He stops for a moment. “I’ll stay with him, anyway. I won’t let him see Even.”

“It’s for the best,” Eva says. “Make sure he eats, too. And sleeps.”

“What are you, his mother?” Jonas laughs, then stops abruptly. “Sorry,” he mutters. Eva must have given him a look.

“I have to go now,” Eva says. “When he wakes up, tell him I - never mind.”

Isak hears her leave, and there’s silence.

He goes back to sleep.

 

*

 

The next time he wakes, it’s silent. He sits and looks around, expecting to be alone, only to find Sana sitting in the chair opposite him.

“Shit,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair.

“Hello to you too,” Sana says, the traces of a smile on her face. It’s not much, but it calms him, knowing that Sana isn’t furious with him, or it least not so furious that she can’t make a joke.

“How long have you been there?” he asks.

“Just sat down. I was about to hit you over the head to wake you up but you got out of that one.”

“Well. Thanks for not doing that.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiles faintly again. “So…”

Right. They probably have to talk.

“So “ Isak echoes quietly.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m pissed at you,” Sana says, and even though Isak can see that she’s going to be gentle with him, he tenses up at her words. “How did it happen?”

“How did what happen?” Isak asks weakly, and Sana rolls her eyes.

“How did you become friends with Even? Last I saw he was threatening you with a gun.”

Isak winces at the memory. “He apologised.”

“And that’s it? Suddenly you’re best friends?”

“Jesus, Sana, no. I didn’t realise you wanted a step by step account of the whole thing.”

“I’m just trying to understand you, Isak. I’m trying to understand how important Even is to you.”

There’s a flicker of hope, then. Maybe Sana won’t hand him over. Or maybe that’s not why she’s asking.

“Why?”

Sana sighs. “Because believe it or not, Isak, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you wouldn’t care if none of us knew him?”

“Would you?” Sana returns. “We’re barely surviving here, Isak. We need that money.”

Life would be so much easier with that money. They could eat real food. Not have to hunt every day. They could be comfortable.

Isak sighs. “Can I at least see him?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

A horrible thought occurs to Isak.

“He- does he hate me?”

“I don’t know,” she says, pity in her voice. “He hasn’t said anything to us, as you can expect. But how is he to know that you didn’t set him up?”

Isak has never been good at admitting when someone else is right.

“I still want to see him.”

Sana nods. “Thought you might say that. He’s over in the shed.”

The shed is the one place they have that they can lock, aside from a little cupboard in Sana’s tent. Mostly they keep tools and emergency supplies there, but it’s as good a place as any to hold someone captive.

Isak approaches it carefully, with Sana behind him. Chris stands as he walks forward, but Sana must gesture to her from behind him, because she stands aside with a confused expression.

Sana unlocks the shed for him, but keeps one hand on the door.

“Isak,” she says. “I'll do what I can to help you both, but if you try any shit…” she tails off with the warning, and Isak nods.

“Thanks,” he says weakly, and she lets go of the door, letting him push it open, and step inside, shutting it quickly behind him.

It's dark in the shed. There's one tiny high up window, and Isak lets his eyes adjust to the light before he lets himself look over to the corner.

He doesn't know what he expected to see. Even is hunched, sitting on the floor in the corner. His hands are tied in front of him, and Isak remembers that the last time he saw Even with his hands tied was in his dream, and Isak - Isak -

Even looks up at him, and Isak has seen a lot of expressions across his face, but this one is new.

Not unrecognisable. Just new. He's never seen Even scared before.

Isak smiles weakly. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Can I-” he walks the two steps it takes to cross the little room, and waits for Evens nod before he sits, with a careful distance between them, one that hasn't existed for a long time now. “I'm - I'm sorry.” It's not enough, but Isak’s never been good at enough. He continues anyway. “I didn't mean for - I didn't know they were-.”

Even shrugs and looks down at his hands. “I know.”

It's all Isak can do not to reach out for his hand - and then he realises maybe that's exactly what he needs to do anyway.

Even flinches a little when they touch, but manages to turn his hand in Isaks grip, so that they're holding hands.

“Did they hurt you?”

Even shakes his head.

“Good.”

There's more silence between them, until Isak speaks up.

“What were you thinking, going back?” He doesn't let the anger out that he wants to, but he has to know. “You could have been killed.”

“I - I don't know,” Even says, his voice trembling. “I had to do something.”

“Did you tell anyone? Elias or - or Mikael?”

Even shakes his head. “I went straight back,” he swallows. “After you left. I couldn't - I couldn't just do nothing. I mean, I told them after, but it was sort of - too late.”

Isak takes a breath. “I didn't tell anyone either. But maybe if everyone knew, they would - you could-”

Even’s grip tightens on his hand. Isak moves closer to him, and lets him put his head down on his shoulder.

Isak breathes out all the tension in his body. “I'll keep you safe,” he says, with a half smile.

Even nods. “I know you will.”

 

*

 

When Isak finally brings himself to leave, half an hour later, Chris is still outside, but Sana is nowhere to be seen.

She nods at him awkwardly as he shuts the door behind him.

“Sana wanted to see you,” she says. “Uh, she's back over in her tent.”

“Thanks,” Isak replies.

She's not there, when he goes. Nor is she anywhere else in the camp, or on lookout.

But it only takes a few steps out in the direction of the river before he hears her.

“You can't come in,” she's saying. “We don't have Even.”

“Then let me speak to Isak,” Mikael says. He and Elias are standing in front of Sana, two against one, clearly able to get past her, but they don't try. “We need your help.”

Isak walks forward despite the pounding in his chest.

“Sana, I-”

“Isak!” Mikael exclaims, desperation evident in his voice. “You know what's going on, right?”

Isak nods. “Sana, they're building a dam. I saw it. Magnusson wants to cut off our water supply - that's what Even was trying to stop.”

Sana isn't one for stunned silence. But Isak’s had plenty of surprises already in the last few days, so it barely fazes him when she doesn't respond. She looks first at Isak, then Elias and Mikael, and must be able to sense the truth in Isaks words.

“Sana,” Elias says gently. “We have to do something. The money you’d get for Even won’t help anything if you have no water.”

She sighs, looking down, and nodding slowly. “Okay - okay. But I’m not handing him over until we’ve discussed it as a group.”

Mikael looks ready to argue, but Isak speaks first. “He’s safe,” he says, and Mikael calms a little.

 

*

 

The energy in the room is a little different, the second time Sana calls a meeting. Mostly because Mikael and Elias are there, and some of them recognise Elias.

Eva interrupts Sana before she even starts to speak. “What’s going on?”

Sana breathes in, pulling her head up, and her shoulders back. “Everyone. This is my brother, Elias, and Mikael, from his camp.”

“Which camp?” Eva asks sharply, but Isak is certain she already knows the answer.

Sana doesn’t reply with an answer, instead moves to the reason they’re all meeting. “When we got the news yesterday that Even was wanted for sabotaging the rebuilding of the city - that was a lie. He was trying to stop them from cutting off the river, as in, our only water supply.”

Isak bounces his leg up and down in frustration at how no one seems to believe it straight away. He’s sitting at the back, next to the exit, and he’s so close to sneaking out - no one would notice, and he needs to see Even again, to tell him that Mikael and Elias are here, and that they’re going to help, and soon it really will be 18 of them versus 500, because there’s no way that they’ll hand him over now, and really Isak just needs to hold Even, to calm them both, to be near him and hear his breathing and his heartbeat and know that he’s safe and alive and he needs to go right now because the air is too close in here and there are too many people and he can’t think of anyone but Even, sitting alone in that fucking shed - Isak needs to go and get him, to help him, to save him, but Sana has the key and he can’t move anyway, and now there’s someone nudging his shoulder and he looks up to see Jonas nodding towards Sana -

“Isak?” she says, slightly impatient. “Tell everyone what you told me earlier.”

Isak blinks at her, and inhales. “That they’re building a dam?”

“How do you know that, though?” Noora asks, confusion written on her face.

“I - I saw it. Two days ago. Me and Even, we - saw it.”

He sits through the unbearable questions about _how he knows_ , leg bouncing throughout all the half answers he gives. At some point Jonas’s hand rests on his shoulder, and he breathes easier - easier, but not calmly.

It works, though. Explaining the truth works, because at the end of it all, they all agree - something needs to be done about Magnusson.

And they won’t hand Even over to him.

Isak’s breathing calms.

 

*

 

“If we let him out, though” Sana says. “He’ll have to be kept hidden. We don’t know who else might come looking for him.”

She’s letting him be the one to tell Even the news, while Mikael and Elias and a few others go and get Yousef, Adam, and Mutta, and any supplies they might need from the camp across the river.

Isak nods quickly. “Yeah, yeah - definitely, I’ll make sure he - yeah.”

“Okay. Just take him over to the main camp, and make sure he’s inside.”

Again, Isak nods, and Sana unlocks the door with the faint traces of a smile. Isak pushes inside eagerly, smiling at Even, and getting a confused eyebrow raise in return.

“They changed their mind,” he says breathlessly. “We aren’t gonna - you’re safe. You’re safe.”

He sits, facing Even, and pulls his hands toward him, still tied, pulling his knife out to cut through the ropes, barely daring to look at Even’s face as the ropes fall away revealing the red marks underneath. All he can think to do is keep hold of his hands for a few seconds, tight enough that Even might know what he’s feeling despite the silence.

“We still have to keep you hidden,” Isak says eventually. “There might be other people looking for you. You’ll have to stay inside - but not in here.”

“Thank god,” Even says - the first thing he’s said since Isak came in, and finally Isak can look up, and meet his eyes, smiling. Even pulls one of his hands out of Isak’s grip, and lifts it to Isak’s hair, brushing away a stray curl from his face. “Thank you,” he corrects himself.

Isak lets the moment swell in his chest for a second, until he looks down. “You shouldn’t thank me,” he says. “I got you into this mess.”

“I got me into this mess,” Even says. “You only tried to help.”

There’s an overwhelming urge inside him to pull Even into a hug, and no real reason to fight it, other than that it feels _too much_ now.

He breathes in, smothers the urge. “We can get out of this fucking shed now.”

“Yeah,” Even laughs. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

 

*

 

He doesn’t lead Even into the main tent; there’s too much happening in there. He leads him carefully into his own, thankfully empty, and they both sit down on top of Isak’s blankets, facing each other.

Isak searches for a distraction, and picks up his notebook from the floor, flicking through to find his designs of Even’s arrows.

“I never showed you this,” he says. “The only part of archery that I’m good at.”

He hands the book over to Even with a self conscious smile, and Even takes it with a quiet “woah.”

They sit in silence while Even looks at the sketches.

“You’re really good at this-” he starts to say, when Jonas enters, swiftly followed by Eva. Even sits up straight, closing the book slowly, smile fading into a look of uncertainty, while Isak tries to keep his steady, to reassure Even.

“Hey,” Jonas says cheerfully, and Eva adds her own quieter “hi.”

“What’s up?” Isak asks. “Is anything happening?”

Jonas shakes his head. “The others aren’t back yet. We just thought we’d come and say hi.”

Eva glares at him, and Isak raises an eyebrow in question, prompting her to turn towards Isak and Even. “He wants me to apologise,” she says, and her gaze falls to Even’s wrists, her expression softening somewhat when she sees them. “I didn’t mean to tie the ropes that tight,” she murmurs, more to herself than anyone else.

Even doesn’t reply, just glances over to Isak.

“It was you who tied them?” he asks, to fill the silence. He’s not sure if he’s angry, because really, he’s not even surprised.

She sighs. “What was I meant to do - or think, when Sana told me he had a gun on you?” Even looks down, biting his lip, and Eva continues, quieter now. “I thought you were maybe just ‘friends’ because you were still punishing yourself over - over what happened.”

“But you knew I was happier,” says Isak, confused. “You said it yourself.”

Eva covers her eyes with her hand in shame. “I know that now,” she says. “It all - it just happened so fast, I didn’t think about it, when Sana said he was - I just - panicked. I’m - sorry.”

Even looks up again, and the smile flickers back on. “I’m sorry, too,” he says, gaze switching between Eva and Isak. “I, uh-”

The sudden noise of people outside alerts them all to the fact that the others have returned. The little tent is suddenly overrun with 5 boys all demanding to see Even.

Jonas pulls Isak up and out of the tent behind Eva. “Let’s leave them to it for a while, yeah?”

Isak doesn’t want to leave Even, but he follows.

 

*

 

“We need a plan,” Sana says to the group later that evening. “It’s bad enough that there are so few of us, we should at least prepare, to give us the best chance of success.”

“What are we even going to do?” asks Mahdi. “Are you expecting us to, like, fight, or...?”

Sana shrugs. “If it comes down to it, yeah. We can’t stand around while they cut off our water and force us to work for them to survive.”

“We had an idea,” Elias speaks up. “Well, Even did.”

Isak’s heart sinks at that. Even’s been talking with the boys for the last half hour, and Isak hasn’t wanted to interrupt, but he didn’t think that they were planning anything. But all he knows of Even are his reckless ideas - and usually, he loves it. But this is getting to be higher stakes than anyone can come back from.

“Uh, yeah,” Even says, clearing his throat. “I mean, I’m still wanted, right?” Isak’s heart sinks further. “If you pretend to take me to them, we can get into the village, and from there… I guess I didn’t get that far with the plan.”

It’s an odd sensation, having his heart at the very bottom of his stomach, but at the same time beating wildly enough to jump out of him. And everyone around him, while saying a word here or there about Even’s safety, is enthusiastic about the idea, coming up with more and more steps to the plan. Chris brings something up about the fact that she’s been so many times to market that she’d know her way around the village blindfolded. Eva mentions other Chris, and that however much she detests him, she could have him wrapped around her little finger with a smile. Mutta mentions someone he’s met a few times at market, who lives in the village and hates every second - so if they could get to her, she’d definitely help them, and gather others as well.

Isak listens to it all, but barely takes in a word. Can barely bring himself to react until there’s a lull in the flow of ideas and planning.

“You can’t,” he says to Even in the quiet, and all eyes turn to him but he doesn’t care. “You can’t do this. It’s too dangerous.” His voice cracks, and he moves towards Even, not close enough to touch, but closer. “Please, what if - if-”

“Isak,” Even replies, simply - nothing more than his name, and a look that Isak can’t describe or comprehend.

“Please, don’t,” he whispers it, now. “I - I can’t-”

_I can’t lose you._

He catches sight of all the eyes turned to him, and takes a step back, towards the entrance, and another step back, and another.

“Fuck,” he mutters, and flees.

 

*

 

He sits up in the tree outside camp, watching for nearly an hour before it seems as though the meeting is ended, and people start to leave the main tent. No one turns their eyes towards him, not realising he’s up there, and he sees Jonas going towards the tent that he should be in.

Even doesn’t come outside, but Isak didn’t expect him to, even if he did need him to.

Jonas heads back to the main tent after a minute, and Sana emerges, then, making a beeline for Isak’s tree, catching his eye immediately. He sighs at being found, and sits up straight as she climbs up to him.

They sit in silence, at first. Isak knows he won’t be the first one to talk.

“He’s our best shot.”

He can’t and won’t reply to that.

“Nothing about anything we might try is going to be completely without risk, Isak. We need to take Magnusson out, and it’s going to take sacrifice.”

His insides twist at that. “So you think he’ll-”

“No! No - but,” she sighs. “We need him to do this - he _wants_ to do this for us, for everyone. He’s our way in, and as soon as we’re in, we can get him out.”

“But he’s - I-” Isak’s not even sure what he wants to say here, so he trails off and huffs in frustration.

“We’re doing it tomorrow,” Sana says, looking at him carefully. “Just - talk to him. And we’ll do everything we can to keep everyone safe.”

“And you need my help too?” Isak says, getting a guilty nod in response. “Okay.”

It’s not okay, but he can’t say much else.

 

*

 

He returns to his tent, and it’s starting to get dark. Jonas and Eva are nowhere to be seen, but five minutes later, Even comes in.

Isak stands immediately, strides over to the door and pulls Even into a desperate embrace, his breath coming out heavy and fast against Even’s shoulder.

“Isak, Isak, hey,” Even says gently, starting by soothing Isak, rubbing his back in a calming motion. “Come on, let’s sit,” he says, guiding Isak backwards, and sitting down with him.

“How are you okay with this?” Isak says. “How are you not fucking terrified?”

“It's what we need to do,” Even says simply, but Isak knows him, and he hears the waver in his voice. “We need to take Magnusson down.”

Isak could argue, ask why it has to be like this, tell Even again and again that it's too dangerous - but he knows it's decided, now. The plan will go ahead.

He steadies his breathing long enough to pull back from Even and meet his eyes.

“Are you - _are_ you okay?” Isak asks hesitantly. Even meets his eyes, but doesn't reply straight away, so Isak lifts a hand up to his cheek, stroking gently with his thumb. “Talk to me.”

Even takes a shaky breath, leans into Isaks hand and his eyes drift shut. “I thought I didn't care about dying,” he murmurs. “But I - I do now. I don't want - I don't want to.”

“You won't,” Isak tells him, brave and certain now because he has to be for Even. “You won’t. I'll keep you safe.”

Even almost laughs. “Okay.”

“Yeah? You trust me?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” he pauses. “We, uh, we should sleep.”

Even nods, and lets Isak pull him down onto the pillows.

“Turn around,” Isak whispers softly, and waits for Even to do as he says before he lies down behind him, wrapping his arms tight around Even, who says nothing about it, but Isak feels him relax. “We’ll be okay.”

Even nods. “We’ll keep each other safe.”

 

*

 

He wakes to almost-darkness, and Even shifting in his arms, trying to get up.

“What are you doing?” Isak asks quietly, and Even sighs.

“I wanted to, uh, watch the sunrise. Could be my last one, so...”

“Don’t say that.” Isak sits, and looks at Even in the dim light. “Don't.”

Even bites his lip and avoids his eyes. “I'm kidding,” he lies with a half smile.

“Can I come with you?” Isak asks.

Even nods. “Please,” he whispers.

They walk out of the camp, and at every step Isak wants to reach out for him, take his hand and hold on tighter than he's ever held before, but he doesn't. They just walk, and eventually Isak speaks.

“Where were you thinking of watching the sunrise around here?”

Even clears his throat awkwardly. “I don’t know. I figured I’d just -- go to the river, I guess.”

Isak smiles. “Okay.”

 

*

 

The note he had pinned to the tree is still there, reminding him that it’s not even been three days since things were halfway normal. Even takes it off and reads it with a half smile.

“Famous last words,” he says. _“Hope you haven’t done anything stupid.”_

Isak huffs out a laugh, but can’t think of a good enough answer. “Yeah,” is what he eventually settles on saying, and looks away, down to where both their hands rest on the tree branch between them, wondering whether he could move his hand just an inch to touch Even.

It’s getting lighter, now. They can see a hint of the sunrise between the trees, but Isak isn’t paying attention to it - and, it seems, neither is Even. His eyes are locked on Isak, with a look so intense Isak feels like he’s burning.

He swallows. “We should go back soon.”

Even doesn’t react, doesn’t even move, except for his lips around a simple “yeah.”

“I don’t want to, though.”

“Me neither.” His gaze still burns.

Isak doesn’t want to say what he’s thinking, to give a voice to the doubts and fears he has, but they’re the only way to explain what he’s about to do.

“If we don’t - see each other again,” he says. “I need you to know something.”

He shifts, moving towards Even, first letting their hands touch, and then lifting a hand to his face - like he had done last night, only this time he takes it further, the final step to show Even what he means to Isak - what he’s come to mean and, really, what he’s meant all along.

Their foreheads press together. “Can I?” Isak asks quietly, waiting for Even to breathe out a “yeah” before he moves closer, getting rid of the final inch between their lips.

It starts gentle, but it doesn’t stay that way for long. Isak kisses Even softly, once, twice, three times, then stops for a breath, stops to smile in relief at Even, and for Even to smile back at him.

He breathes in, and crashes back into Even, breathlessly taking everything he needs, and giving back everything he can give. Giving everything that’s been building inside him since their first meeting, and their second, third, fourth meetings. Giving back everything from the moment he felt compelled to follow Even across the river, and every moment since. Every feeling that’s built up, that he’s ignored until now. He lets it all out, he lets it all go back to Even.

He kisses him for who knows how long, and it’s not long enough. Their foreheads rest back together when they finally part, and Isak screws his eyes shut.

“Let’s not go back.”

Even lets out a quiet laugh. “Okay. Yeah. Let’s just stay here.”

“Yeah.”

Maybe they could just run away.

 

*

 

Even has his hands tied behind him, and he tries and fails to smile at Isak.

“We’re counting on them falling for this,” Sana says. “So - act like it’s real.” Even nods silently. “Isak, stay back with Elias and the others, just in case someone saw you with Even.”

“But-” he cuts off at a stern eyebrow raise from Sana.

She turns gentle a moment later. “You can walk with us until we get there,” she says.”But if we mess this up…”

Isak looks away, reluctant to admit that he agrees with her. It just feels unbearable to spend a minute away from Even, now. In a normal world, this is where they’d spend the day together, getting to know each other, learning to love each other with the revelation that they’re allowed to do that now.

In this world, it’s where Even walks headfirst into danger, and Isak can only follow at a distance.

But this is the world they live in. The world they die in, sooner or later.

Maybe he’d settle for being able to take Even’s hands, do anything just to touch him - but Even’s hands are tied behind his back, and Isak keeps a careful distance in front of everyone as they walk in silence.

They’d gathered everything in each of their camps that could serve as a weapon earlier in the day. It’s mostly knives of varying sizes. A few bow and arrows, but Isak can hardly see what use they’ll be in a fight.

And there’s two pistols. Mutta has one, and the question of whether he knows how to use it comes back to Isak when he sees him take it solemnly. Mutta knows how to smile, it’s obvious. But since he picked up the gun, his face has remained blank.

Noora has the other, because Sana trusts her not to fire it.

If he had felt brave enough, Isak would have reminded her that she trusted him not to fire it, too. But everyone is under the illusion that they'll manage to get through this without anyone being more than injured - including Magnusson’s guards - and Isak doesn't want to shatter it, because if they can believe that, he can believe that Even will survive this.

“We’re getting close,” Chris says quietly. “We’ll be in sight of the village any minute.”

The group stops, and the forest is silent to make up for the noise in Isak’s head.

“Noora, Jonas, Even, with me,” Sana commands. “Eva, you're behind. Everyone else stay out of sight, wait for the signal.”

Isak only has time to reach out a hand to Even’s arm before Jonas is pulling him away with a guilty glance at Isak.

The six of them walk forward, Eva hanging behind a little for the second part of the plan, and Isak just watches. Watches as they walk further, Jonas’s hand coming to rest on Even’s arm where Isak’s had a second ago, and the touch starts casual, calm, but Isak knows what it’ll soon turn into, even if it’ll just be for show.

Even turns back once more, and he doesn’t even try to smile this time when he meets Isak’s eyes.

From one step to the next, they’re exposed. Isak watches through the trees, as the guards by the gate catch sight of them, and he can’t see their expressions from this distance, but he knows exactly what they are. He’s seen it before, in the sneer on the face of the guard that found him at market.

One of the guards takes Even, and Isak’s nails draw blood from his own palm with the restraint it takes him not to run forward and call off this whole idiotic plan. The second guard leads Noora, Jonas, and Sana inside the village, following behind Even.

Other Chris stays where he is, at the gate, clearly catching sight of Eva walking towards him.

Isak is torn between averting his eyes away from what’s about to happen - because Eva said herself that she hated that anyone would have to see her like that - and needing to watch for the first second he can break into a run to find where they’ve taken Even.

Watching wins, although it’s with a grimace. He sees Eva get closer and closer to Other Chris, one arm snaking around his neck, and pulling at the strap holding the rifle on his shoulder.

In the next second, she’s brought her knee up to slam in between his legs, and pulled the rifle from him while he’s doubled over in pain, crashing the heavy metal down onto his head to knock him unconscious.

That’s the signal.

Isak runs. They all run.

It won’t be long until the guards are alerted, and they all need to be in the village before that happens, because they’re exposed out here, with no cover, nothing to hide behind, and there’ll be gunfire sooner or later.

So Isak runs, following close behind Yousef and trying to ignore the fact that his heart is as fast as his feet on the ground.

They catch up to Eva, and she turns to Isak, saying “I know I shouldn't have enjoyed that but god, he fucking deserved it.”

Isak tries to smile, almost manages it, but she puts a calming hand on his shoulder for a second, before she shows the keys that she's taken from Chris, and pushes the gate open a few seconds later.

“Sana and the others were taken towards the town hall across the village. Mutta, now is a good time to find your friend, everyone else, find cover, find people to help us. The guards will be here any minute and we need numbers because god knows their weapons are better than ours.” She picks up Chris’s rifle from the floor. “Who wants this?” No one steps forward. “Fine.” She keeps it. “Let's go.”

Isak follows her in, then follows Mahdi down a side street out of the market square. The place is almost deserted - most people must be working in the farms or on the dam. Isak doesn't want to think about what that means for their chances.

It takes a minute, and there's gunshots from across the village, and still, no one that they can get to help them. He's walking away from Mahdi now, desperately looking for anyone, a lost citizen, a hesitant guard. He turns the corner, and -

“I knew you were lying to me, Isak.”

It's the guard who had found him at market. Isak will be scared by this later. He'll panic later. Right now, he's so tightly wound inside that he just breathes, and faces the rifle with only a raised eyebrow.

“Good for you.”

“And it was Even Bech Næsheim that lied for you, right?” The guards lips curl in a sneer. “Reckon you were in on his plot to destroy what we're building, too.”

The rifle comes closer to his face.

There's no one around on this quiet street, no backup for either of them. He can hear chaos from the main square, but there's no way of telling what sort of chaos.

Isak against one guard. The rifle is close enough that maybe he could just grab it and push it away, but although that always seemed to work in movies, Isak doesn't know how accurate it would be. How fast the guard would react. He can't die, not before he gets to Even.

“I should take you to Magnusson.”

It's not _I should_ as in _but I feel sorry for you, so I won't._ It's _I should_ as in _I'm not going to, because I'd rather just kill you myself._

The guard takes the safety off the gun.

Isak doesn't have time to think it through. He brings his forearm up, knocking the gun to the side, ducking his head to the side to avoid the shot. The guard is taken by surprise enough that he fires, but doesn't tighten his hold on the rifle, so Isak wrestles it from his grip easily enough, and turns it on him, scaring him back until he's pressed against a wall.

He pushes down the familiarity of holding a gun.

“Where did they take him?” he steadies his voice, imagines that it's someone else speaking for him to stop the waver coming through. “Tell me,” he commands, and the guard takes a shaky breath.

“The basement of the town hall,” he says. “You won't get in.”

Isak raises an eyebrow. “Show me.”

He looks like he's about to refuse, and Isak takes a step back, as if he's pitying him - when really, he's getting far enough away to be out of reaching distance, before he takes the safety off the rifle once more.

“Show me,” he repeats.

He still hears the chaos from the market square as the guard leads him down the street away from it all, but he doesn't have time to think of it. He follows down deserted streets until they reach the town hall, unsettling in its vast emptiness, no guards to be seen.

The guard points down some stairs at the side of the building.

“He's down there. If he's still-”

Isak brings the gun down on top of his head the same way he'd seen Eva do to Chris earlier, and he crumples  to the floor before he can finish his sentence.

Isak steps over him, and down the stairs. The door is unlocked.

It had been discussed, in the parts of their planning that Isak had been there for and listened to, that Magnusson and all his guards might be sloppy, because they believe they control everything. That no one would attempt resistance on a scale bigger than what Even tried because there are so few people outside of their control.

Isak hadn't believed them, but he might be starting to.

But he doesn't know what will be behind the door. How many guards they have left in here. How many guns, and how much practice they've had, compared to Isak. Truthfully, he doesn't even know if he's holding it right.

He opens the door anyway, and walks through to find silence and near darkness, that turns into light almost immediately as the lights flicker on. He's on guard immediately, because he has no way of knowing who turned the lights on, but he sees nothing as he looks around.

He’s been living outside for so long that he's almost forgotten that motion sensors existed - exist. But that must be it, because the only sounds he can hear are the unfamiliar buzz of electricity and faint angry voices from down the corridor. Anticipation rises in his throat now. He doesn't have time to fear what he might find, but that doesn't stop him imagining what it could be.

He hurries towards the voices, trying to keep his footsteps silent, and trying to hear what the voices are saying.

They sound threatening. It’s odd that he takes that as a good thing. He hears _who else knows_ and _how did you find out_ and no response from whoever it is that they’re interrogating.

He rounds the corner carefully, and sees him, _Even,_ through the glass panel in the door. He doesn’t know whether to sigh in relief or panic at what they’ve done to him.

He's alive. But he's badly hurt, blood dripping from his nose and mouth and one eye already turning purple. His arms are tied behind him, his legs tied to the chair he's sitting on. It takes everything Isak has not to just run straight in, and fight the guards in the room with everything he's got. Maybe he'd even have enough adrenaline to win, too.

He can't risk it, though. He needs a plan. There are three men, two with rifles pointed at Even, and the third with blood dripping from his knuckles. Isak looks around for a distraction, a way for him to enter the room and have the upper hand.

One against three. That'll never end well, even with their attention elsewhere to start with.

But, from the corner of his eye he spots a fire alarm, and it takes only a second’s hesitation before he slams his fist in it, and quickly hides behind a cupboard, waiting for the men to leave the room.

“You, stay here and watch him. We'll be back in a minute.”

He hears footsteps retreating down the corridor, and takes his chance.

One on one. Not as good as he had hoped, but manageable.

He enters the room with the gun raised, trying not to let himself be distracted by Even’s gasp of relief, and the gun is all it takes. The guard left in the room - he's barely more than a kid, and he sees Isak and drops his rifle immediately raising his hands and begging “don't shoot, please, don't shoot.”

Isak lowers his weapon, muttering a curse as he does.

“Give me the gun,” he orders, although as amped up as he is he tries to make his voice gentle - but he needs to get Even free, and fast, because who knows when the other guards will return.

The kid hands over the gun with shaking hands, and Isak takes it with a nod, letting his down to hang by the strap on his shoulder.

“You okay?” he asks, moving towards Even now that he has a moment of safety.

The kid gives a tiny nod, and shrinks back against the wall.

Satisfied, Isak turns his attention to Even, first using his knife to cut the ropes away, then pulling him to his feet, using his hands to run over his body and face, gently touching his injuries, wincing back when Even flinches.

“Are you okay? What did they do?”

“I'm okay,” Even breathes. “I'm fucking glad you found me. Where are the others?”

“Back at the market. Some of them were trying to get over to the farms and stuff, get help. I didn't see much of it. Sana and the others haven’t come back. I -I don't know where they are.”

Even looks behind him pointedly, at the kid. “He might?”

Isak doesn’t imagine the kid knows anything, but he turns to him anyway, simultaneously trailing his fingers down Even’s arm to take his hand and hold on tight - more for himself than anything else.

Even gives him the strength he needs to be gentle.

“Hey,” he says quietly. “Do you know where they took our friends? The guys who came in with Even?”

The kid starts to shake his head, but then hesitates. “Magnusson’s office is on the third floor. But you can’t - I mean - it’s always locked. Especially if we're on alert for something.”

Even squeezes his hand. “We can try,” he says, and Isak looks back at him, emotion welling inside him.

“But we - you - it's not safe,” Isak tries. “I promised I'd keep you safe.”

Even gives him a gentle smile. “We promised to keep each other safe,” he replies. “But we should also be keeping our friends safe.”

“I - I know, but-”

His hands are starting to shake. Even moves his free hand to Isak’s arm, calming him with a touch, moving softly up and down, and back up, taking the second rifle from him.

“Come on,” he says. “The other guards will come back as soon as they work out there was no fire.”

Isak shuts his eyes, breathes in, out, and opens them again, nodding once.

He turns back to the kid. “Get somewhere safe, okay?”

The kid starts towards the door, looking nervously at them, before darting out of the door and disappearing down the corridor. Isak sighs in relief, and turns back to Even to press his lips against his.

Even pulls him close briefly, sighing against him, then pulls away. “We need to go.”

“I know we do. I just needed that.”

He follows Even out of the room, taking the rifle from his shoulder and tightening his grip on it as he walks.

They only get out into the corridor before there’s footsteps, harsh, loud, boots slamming against the hard floor. Isak pulls Even the opposite way, both of them ducking behind the same cupboard Isak had used earlier.

His grip on Even’s wrist is tight enough to hurt, he knows, but he can’t bring himself to relax as they hear the guards go into the room, yelling curses when they find it empty.

“Should - should we tell Magnusson?” one asks.

“Are you fucking kidding? No, we shouldn’t. He can’t have gone far.”

They leave the room, and head the other way down the corridor, but Isak doesn’t have time to sigh in relief yet. He's so amped up, so hyper aware of his own breath, and Evens breath, and both their heartbeats loud in his ears. He's certain that at any moment those guards will turn and come back, and find them and hold them at gunpoint and it won't matter that all of them have guns because Isak still doesn't know if he's holding his right, he can threaten someone who's already scared, but a guard with a solid hold on his own weapon? Isak would stand no chance.

But they don't come back. Their footsteps fade, and Isak turns to Even.

“Where do we go?”

“We need to find the stairs, yeah?”

Even seems to be doing. a better job of breathing than Isak is, so he tries to match his inhales to Even’s before he nods.

“Yeah, yes. Okay.”

He stays close to Even, trying every door in the corridor in silence, both of them in listening intently for any sign of movement.

Finding the stairs is the easiest part. They listen carefully for anything before going up, and then - they find themselves on the top floor, outside a locked door - maybe the first of many.

“Can you hear anything?” Even asks.

Isak shakes his head. It's eerily silent. “Maybe it's soundproof?” he suggests, trying not to let his voice waver.

Even nods. “But they'd still hear us trying to break it down.”

Isak searches his pockets for a loose wire, something. A moment later, he holds one up to Even, triumphant.

“It's okay,” he says. “I think I can get us in.”

He kneels down in front of the lock, muttering a “keep a lookout” to Even.

It takes a minute, and the lock clicks. Isak pushes down on the handle, and it opens.

It's still quiet, but there are faint voices. Not angry - in fact, the exact opposite. As they move towards the source, they start to realise that it's not someone they know talking. It's a male voice, sinister in its calmness.

Isak remembers he doesn't actually know what Magnusson sounds like, but this definitely fits.

He glances towards Even, at his tight grip on the rifle in his hands, and takes a breath.

“I - do we have a plan for this?”

Even presses his lips together, and shakes his head. “We don't even know what's going on yet.”

Isak bites his lip.

They walk further down the deserted corridor, and reach a set of double doors.

This is it. The voice is audible, now.

“You don't stand a chance against me, I built this village from nothing. All I've done is to protect my people, and you would go around telling them I only care about myself?”

This time, when Isak turns to Even, Even is already looking at him, jaw set in a tense frown. The next words have Isak snapping back to look at the door.

“Thank you for bringing Naesheim, though. He'll make a good example. You three and your friends down in the village, too.”

It's at this moment that Isak knows something he hadn't realised before.

There may be a few of them with guns. Noora has the pistol - or probably had, at this point. Mutta. down in the village, has the other. Eva took the rifle from Chris, and Even took one from the kid.

But Isak is the only one of them who knows what it's like to fire at someone. To take someone's life. And he doesn't want anyone else to understand how it feels.

He watches Even look down at the gun in his hands, his thumb flicking towards the safety as if to reassure himself that he knows where it is.

But there's no way he'll let Even fire that gun. No way.

The door might be locked, but Isak slams his foot into it hard enough to break anything, and it gives way easily.

A quick glance around shows him everything he expected. Magnusson, behind a desk, smiling as if this is an ordinary day. Three guards around the room, but their rifles had been on their shoulders, relaxed until Isak arrived.

Noora, Sana, and Jonas are there, shaken up, held captive, but safe.

Isak raises the gun with no hesitation.

Magnusson falls.

So does Isak.

  



	4. epilogue

Even barely leaves his side for the next week. 

He's in a makeshift hospital room, getting treatment for the gunshot wound in his stomach from one of the guards. 

It should have killed him. It's not miles away from what killed Sara. 

But he doesn't have to be able to afford the doctor any more. No one is withholding it from him now. 

He doesn't really track what's going on at first, busy drifting in and out of consciousness, distracted by the pain in his stomach or the noise in his brain, barely even able to focus on Even's arms around him, his lips on Isak’s forehead. 

Somehow he gathers that Sana is in charge. He knew she would be - everyone knew she would be. 

They plan to rebuild the city, not a dam. No one is trapped in the village, but no one is forced to leave. Families are reunited, new people are welcomed, there's food enough for everyone. 

Isak doesn't really appreciate it. 

When he's out of the hospital, there's a room waiting for him in a previously empty house in the village, now taken over by Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus. Eva isn't far away. 

All Isak wants to do is sleep. And it's almost a real fucking bed - at least, it's much better than what he's used to, and with comfortable room for two people.

Even stays with him, even when he doesn't speak. He does it all for him, whispers soft words to him, strokes a hand through his hair. Pull him up to a sitting position, cross legged, facing each other, and makes him eat. 

In the nights, Isak holds on tight to Even, and soaks through his shirts with tears which Even wipes away with gentle hands. 

“You're okay. We're safe now. You kept us safe, and now it's my turn.”

The dreams come back, even in Even's arms. He takes a gun, and he shoots it at everyone he loves - then, at the end, he turns it on himself. 

“You wouldn't, Isak. You wouldn't.”

He shouldn't be allowed to stay here. There should be consequences for what he did, what he did twice. He took lives. It can't be forgiven, no matter who it was. 

“It had to done. You did it for all of us.”

There shouldn't be a person alive willing to like him, to spend time with him, to deal with him. How can anyone stand him, after he did all that he did without hesitation?

“Isak, look at me.”

He turns his face toward Even, and opens his eyes a fraction.

“I love you.”

His stomach drops. The worst part is, he knows Even isn't lying. Or - the best part. 

Even loves him. He knew that, and he knows he loves Even. 

But it doesn't fix anything. It's just - another complication. 

“It'll take time, Isak. But you'll heal, like always.”

Does he deserve that?

Even moves his hand to Isaks cheek, his thumb stroking beneath his eye, wiping away tears. Their foreheads rest together, and Isaks eyes drift shut, resting in the moment, the corner of his lips lifting just a little.

“You deserve that.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so so so so soooooo much for reading!!!! i've been working on this fic on and off for nearly a year so i would love to know what you thought!! and don't forget to check out [the art](http://evenshands.tumblr.com/post/183310330353/through-these-dark-days-29397-words-evenisak) and [the artist,](http://ashnalk.tumblr.com) and let her know how great she is!!!  
> find me on [tumblr,](http://evenshands.tumblr.com) having a grand old time :D  
> love always xxx


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